I'm Just Me (dreamalwz) wrote in _survivors_,
I'm Just Me

Completely dissociated and spaced out during class today. A mixture of triggering smells, which sent me into a panic attack last week, along with a video we were watching that had a (nice) guy that resembled Him very much. I by-passed the panic attack and just checked out. I didn't have flashbacks. I just wasn't there. I didn't feel like I existed. I couldn't see. Couldn't hear. Couldn't move. I snapped out of it and realized that I had hurt myself. I guess I did it to bring myself back or something. The last time the dissociation was this bad was over a year ago when the event happened. The last time I had hurt myself was last May. I don't remember a thing, just that I wasn't there. It's kind of scary to completely go away from the world, yet be there at the same time. It's scary to do things you're not aware of and can't seem to control. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy and messed up due to this. Since "snapping out of it" I've been spacey and in and out. I'm so nauseous and have a headache. I'm mentally kind of numb. I don't know what to do to really bring myself completely back. Any suggestions would greatly be appreciated. I drove 45 minutes away still spacing in and out, but I made it. Now I have to drive back, but luckily I have my girlfriend with me now to keep talking to me. I hate this, I really do...
Tags: dissociation

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