lovemusic__x (lovemusic__x) wrote in _survivors_,

First, let me know if I missed any triggers. I will be going to bed soon and will not be able to fix anything for reasons that will be mentioned in the post, so delete this if need be. I don't want to hurt anyone.

This kind of rambles from one point to another, sorry in advance.

Okay, my brother made multiple plans to kill me and one day he tried.

Thankfully, he moved out a month ago.

Today I was watching SVU and as part of it, one sister had killed another. This obviously put me in a bad place.

Not even 5 minutes after it ended I was informed that my brother would be home for a few days starting tonight. The last time he came home, I cried. This time when I found out, I cried. It made me realize that after he had did that to me up until the time he first left, I felt unsafe. I lived my life trying to be sure to not anger him. I was afraid. When he left, for the first time, I felt welcome in my home. Once he came back, it was all over. Even after he went back to his apartment after the first time he visited, I felt unsafe again. I think it's because I realized that I can never feel safe until I know I will never see him again. My parents don't know, they can never know. Even if they did, they would justify what he did, but I knew what he did was wrong. He was older. He should have known.

Tags: attempted murder, safety

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