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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
extremely nervous 
5th-May-2005 11:34 pm
Okay...all week I've tried to be happy and brave. It's worked 'till tonight, now I'm scared has heck. My first appointment EVER sense my assault four years ago is TOMORROW MORNING. I don't know what's going to happen. I think that's why I'm so nervous. I was pushing all my memories away this week too, and now they're coming back. I'm trying not to fight it, but I don't want to hurt. ::sigh:: I think I'm worrying too much and overreacting. I just hope it goes okay. I think I'm also scared they won't know what to do and nothing will change. Ack...I dunno. :P I needa hug!
Comments 
5th-May-2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
That can be a hard step. Way to go for making it!
Hugs.

Julia
5th-May-2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
5th-May-2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
you are most welcome.
6th-May-2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
more hugs!!!!

I'm so glad for you that you went through with this.
6th-May-2005 09:01 pm (UTC)
I'm glad I did too. I'm really depressed right now though. :/ I guess it's natural right?
8th-May-2005 03:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, definitely. The purging process (therapy) brings up all kinds of stuff that is really yucky, but it has to be brought into the open for it to be released. Just know that although this may be a rough ride, it DOES get better. *hugs* And if you have any questions or anything feel free to ask me. I'll be happy to tell you what I've learned from my own experiences if they can help you in any way. *hugs*
8th-May-2005 05:56 pm (UTC)
Did you push it away because you got tired of hurting? Should I try not to do that? It was effecting my whole day...I got sick of it and pushed it away. I'm feeling "okay" again, but I still kinda feel it there...I'm just refusing to feel I think. Does that make sense?
8th-May-2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
Try to sit with it for as long as you can stand it. The longer the better and the more quickly you'll get through it.

When I first started tapping into this stuff, I could only handle it for a few minutes at a time before I had to distract myself. Once I was able to commit to fully immersing myself in whatever pain came up, I was able to work through it. *hugs* I know this is tough. And whatever you do, don't beat yourself up if you can't stand it and need to distract yourself. You've already taken the biggest step, which is beginning this process. Congratulate and be proud of yourself for this. There is no WRONG way here. I'm here if you need anything else. kay?

9th-May-2005 12:51 am (UTC)
Yeah...I let myself feel it all of Friday and Saturday. Saturday night I pushed it away...and I've been able to ingore it until tonight. I was triggered in a way. I don't want to talk about it right now, it's in my journal though.
6th-May-2005 04:31 am (UTC)
Consider yourself hugged!

*hugs*

Brake a leg (not your own)!
6th-May-2005 04:50 am (UTC)
lol. Thanks. :) ::hugs back::
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