I keep remembering how I felt when my father would hurt me. He would pin me down and hurt me. I feel pain in my vagina and a lot of anxiety.
I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to cut myself, because I can't cry. I just get this way sometimes, where I really need to cry and just physically can't do it. Cutting would make me feel like I was getting some of the pain out, like crying in blood.
I can't cut though. My fiance confiscated my razor blades, and I can't get a kitchen knife and do it without somebody catching me.
I wish all this would go away. I feel alone.
I'd love a hug. It might make me feel less alone.
I'm on Yahoo! Messenger as arquenniel and on AIM as desertrosedark.