I feel like I am in so far over my head and will never get over this.
Halloween will be the first anniversary of my rape. well, technically, November 1st, but I was coming home from a halloween party so I consider it halloween. I'm not a big anniversary person and normally I don't think i'd be so freaked out, but goddamn it. costumes and candy and fucking parades everyone...i feel like it's all there to remind me. i hate it.
anddddd i have just decided to pursue legal action against my rapist (who is now continuing to harrass me). on the one hand, i am so much stronger this year than last, and i am proud of myself for taking this step. on the other, it's just so damn hard. and part of me wonders if i should be doing this at all, or if it's just going to make the hell last longer.
i wish i could just move on. i'm just not sure how to do it..