I finished 4.5 months of group therapy two weeks ago Thursday. The day it ended, I was sad of course because I wouldn't be seeing any of the people I'd gotten to know ever again. The very next day, however, I was angry, very angry. Angry about the fact that I spent all that time connecting with people in a way I'd never done before - and had to say goodbye to them all. I got no help at all with setting up follow-up care with a psychiatrist. It was "Thanks for playing; don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Therapy as a whole was a good experience, with some definite low points. I have started rebuilding relationships with my family, including a relationship with the brother who molested me as a pre-teen. I am not done dealing with those issues, but moving past those things are important for me. I ended an extremely unhealthy relationship with success. I don't regret ending it in the least. I have learned how to be healthy for myself and by myself - and how to connect with people outside of a group therapy situation.
Case in point: The day I left therapy, I met up with a man I'd first "met" through eHarmony. We went to a couple of plays, and then out for dinner. We'd spent a lot of time chatting through email and on the phone that it was a natural thing, no more than minor typical first-date awkwardness. Since then, we've been seeing each other at least three or four nights a week. D knows I was in therapy and why; he knows that I'm in bankruptcy; he knows that I'm just learning how to have healthy relationships. He has told me he's not going anywhere; not running away. We have slept together - and for the first time in my life, despite the speed at which it happened, I don't feel used & discarded. He talks to me and with me and we're unfailingly honest with each other (so far). He accepts all the parts of me I don't like and tells me how special I am. Fifteen years ago, he attempted suicide twice, so he does understand some of what I struggle with. It's a new experience - and I am cautious, but I am not scared. Not even with the fact that he wants to take me on a trip to Mexico in November to one of my best friend's weddings.
I'm far from the end of the journey, but I am starting to feel happy. And I'm excited.
