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A safe space to share stories and ask questions
It's been almost 2 years since I told my Mum about my... attack.… 
20th-Apr-2005 09:01 pm
It's been almost 2 years since I told my Mum about my... attack. Almost 2 years since the Child Protection Unit got involved. Almost 2 years since I cried my eyes out trying to remember back 6 years. Almost 2 years since I've had to bring this all back up & have it on my mind everyday.

How long does it take to find someone? How long does it take to make a case... Or whatever they're doing?

The longer I have to wait, the more I worry. The more the worry, the more I realise that I can't do this. What if they turn it tomorrow saying I've got to face him in court in a month/a few weeks? How will I cope?

I'm really doubting whether I would be able to handle this. I was 6, till 9. I'm now almost 16. I've tried all these years to forget it. And Ive almost succeeded. I can't remember much of my childhood. Infact, I can hardly remember anything.

This makes me doubt it even happened. I mean, OF COURSE it happened. I couldn't lie or make up or imagine something like this... But my memory is almost blank.... That isn't going to help them believe me, is it?

They're just going to try & prove me wrong. In court. & that's not going to help my confidence is it? It's going to make me even more scared.

God, I honestly just wish this never happened. That I wasn't born. That my Mum never met him. That I wasn't here.


Comments 
20th-Apr-2005 02:08 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you are here.

They're just going to try & prove me wrong. In court. & that's not going to help my confidence is it? It's going to make me even more scared. I wish I could tell you this wasn't true, but it probably is. But-you can stand up against it. All these years you've been fighting have gotten you toned and ready to battle. You are your confidence now, and you have enough to keep going. Weak people cannot do what you do. Weak people can't keep pushing like you did.

Having the confidence isn't your problem, feeling like you have it is the problem. I understand that-I have trouble feeling the confindence too sometimes. We all do. But if we didn't have it, we would not have made it this far. You are a survivor, and strong, and you can keep going babe. I know you can! :-) Stay strong, and take it easy with yourself. Treat yourself special, because you are. :-) -Brittany
20th-Apr-2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
I don't remember either. I need people who already believe me to reassure me that something did happen, so that I can believe myself.
I believe you, and I hope you can believe yourself.
I would never want to go to court - I can;t imagine. I wish you courage!
((hugs))
Jen
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