It's been almost 2 years since I told my Mum about my... attack. Almost 2 years since the Child Protection Unit got involved. Almost 2 years since I cried my eyes out trying to remember back 6 years. Almost 2 years since I've had to bring this all back up & have it on my mind everyday.
How long does it take to find someone? How long does it take to make a case... Or whatever they're doing?
The longer I have to wait, the more I worry. The more the worry, the more I realise that I can't do this. What if they turn it tomorrow saying I've got to face him in court in a month/a few weeks? How will I cope?
I'm really doubting whether I would be able to handle this. I was 6, till 9. I'm now almost 16. I've tried all these years to forget it. And Ive almost succeeded. I can't remember much of my childhood. Infact, I can hardly remember anything.
This makes me doubt it even happened. I mean, OF COURSE it happened. I couldn't lie or make up or imagine something like this... But my memory is almost blank.... That isn't going to help them believe me, is it?
They're just going to try & prove me wrong. In court. & that's not going to help my confidence is it? It's going to make me even more scared.
God, I honestly just wish this never happened. That I wasn't born. That my Mum never met him. That I wasn't here.