I'm Just Me (dreamalwz) wrote in _survivors_,
I'm Just Me

I've never told anyone this. I'm afraid of getting yelled at and people getting angry at me, especially those that have gone through abuse. I desperately want these thoughts out of my head.

Know how they say that abusers usually were abused themselves and are just doing what they know and have learned? I hate myself SO much for my thoughts. I was abused as a child and recently physically, emotionally, and sexually. The past few years is when the thoughts began. I have detailed visions of me abusing others (a certain group of individuals) and I guess you could say fantasizing it and wanting to do it. I WILL NEVER ACT ON THEM, but they torture and haunt me. I have no clue why my brain is having these thoughts. It's as if I can't control my thoughts at all. I don't want to go into any more detail than this for now. I hope I'm not crossing the line. I just want to know if I'm the only one with these types of thoughts? I don't know if it's illogically "getting back at society" but logically it would only hurt others. I don't know, I'll shut up now. I feel like such a horrible person. I don't know what to do :(
Tags: guilt, seeking support

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