leo485 (leo485) wrote in _survivors_,

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Difficult Times

I was sitting being very confused in my room and this poem popped out of my head. Sometimes my thoughts are more organized through writing then speaking. 
just bought myself a pregnancy test that I will use tomorrow to see if I'm pregnant from a sexual assault. my period is late it's been 2 weeks now.  I was recently hospitalized and my medications for psychiatric reasons were increased.  That alone could make me late and sometimes I am late  naturally. But I was raped again after I got out of the hospital for severe depression and I am now worried I could be pregnant. I hope not but if I am I don't think I can keep the baby I'm only 22 and I am to young and have trouble with my own self at times. The guy who raped me still contacts me and I try not to answer when I know it's him calling but if he shows up here it's harder to ignore. I freeze and lose control I can't do anything I feel like a child. I was sexually abused as a child and  my rapist did the same thing he is 20 years older then me and I felt like a child again. Is that normal??? anyways that's my story for now...

This poem represents my feelings:

Shattered Innocence


You took away my dignity. You took away my pride.

Most of my days now, are spent weeping silently inside.


I thought I could be stronger, I thought talking meant defeat.

When I try to open up I feel like you have me beat.


So much inner turmoil, so much inner pain,

It’s a wonder how this shattered soul hasn’t gone insane.


You told me that you’d hurt me if I said too much,

So I let you do your will, and felt your awful touch.


You said you’ll always be there, and will never go away.

The memories that you gave me terrify me to this day.

Tags: poetry/prose, pregnancy, rape

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