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Talking to Mum 
26th-Apr-2008 08:18 pm
black and white
This is a repost from my personal lj a couple of days ago. However I'm still thinking about it.

At the moment conversations with mum have four possible tones:
1) Fight or near fight - may include high levels of anxiety, one or both of us crying, and yelling.
2) Triggering confrontation - nothing of note happens in a language use or tone of voice but one or both of us is severely tense/anxious/depressed afterwards
3) Productive conversation - the closest we ever get to communicating. I stay calm even while mum tries to push things. Sometimes things even get done this way.
4) Inconsequential chit chat - we are still both anxious that everything will go up in a big bang.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm thinking of these things possibly from working on interpersonal effectiveness and having spoken to mum yesterday. I felt it counted as 3) Productive conversation, although even that does not necessarily mean that I am listened to properly.

I don't think she said much that she hasn't said before. However I am concerned that she suggested that the nature of my mental and emotional health ties in with my learning disabilities rather than being a result of her abuse. I don't believe she is right but this attitude does need to be mentioned to my clinical psychologist. I doubt it occurred to her in her denial that she was being discriminatory.

26th-Apr-2008 07:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah. My mother always did that, blamed it on the ADD and not the fact that going through a divorce was making her take her rage out on me. Yeah, I feel you there. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, har.
27th-Apr-2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
My situation is a little different but I can relate to you. It's tough when you have issues with family, especially when they're in denial and communication becomes so much more difficult.
28th-Apr-2008 04:54 am (UTC)
I can relate - so many people want to place the weight of responsibility onto a learning disability rather than acknowledge that abuse-related after-effects are the reason for the struggle. It's like invalidating a large part of your existence all at once.
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