artzgirl1987 (artzgirl1987) wrote in _survivors_,

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::pulls hair out::

 This is from my journal. Work is really getting to me. I'm a tae kwon do instrctor, and one of the head instructors that run the school. I've just been stressed and sort of emotional in general, but work definitely isn't helping.

Today sucked. Work sucks. I was exhausted today... I dunno why. I took a nap though, and I slept too long. I ended up being 30min late for work. I wouldn't have been quite so late though if traffic had been better. If traffic had been fine I probably would've been only 10min late. So that sucked, and I understandable got scolded for it.

I told Mr L that I would stay late tonight, which I did, and I got all of my stuff done... but not before I squrewed up again.

I decided that I would try to make up for being late and multitask. So, I started filling a heavy bag with water. It has a leak in it, and I had to refill it with water to find the leak. It filled up a lot faster that I though it would, and I flooded the whole back part of the breakroom. Dumbass...

Then... to back things up a little bit. 

We recently opened up a new school. My second week there, I let one of my co-workers teach a class. I had assumed that he had taught at least one small class before. I needed him to warm the class up and stretch them for me. Then he also had to do some target drills with them because I was still busy. So, by then I let him teach the class, but under my supervision. I got in trouble for that because he had never taught before and theL's are worried about making sure to impress the parents and students. I made  a mistake, I learned from it, I moved on.

Two weeks ago at the new school, there was one five year old in class. At the old school when only one student at that age comes, we do a 15 - 20min class. So... I did a 15min class with her. The mom says it was only 12min long. First of all, we have to do at least a 30min private class. Which I didn't know, but I know now. So, I made a mistake, I learned from it, I moved on.

Last week, the same woman's son came to his class. I felt like it was a good class. Then... I find out that the mom told Mr L that I ended it 7min early. I didn't! I keep telling Mr L that I didn't, but he doesn't believe me. He just keeps telling me that I need have better time managment.

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that he can tell me I'm screwing up on, he will. I understand he's stressed, and I understand he wants me to step it up, and I'm trying. It takes me time to adjust to change. All he's doing is critising me... that's all he knows how to fucking do. Sometimes I just want to say "fuck you!" and go home. Constant critisism and no positive feedback doesn't do much for someone's work performance. I'm just feeling very unmotivated and stomped on. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with my tail between my legs. I even go an extra mile with a lot of things to try to make him happy, but he just finds something that I didn't do, or that I didn't do good enough. What happened to praise, correct, praise?

I know he's stressed, and they're paying me more. So, I'm trying to just suck it up and deal with it. Sometimes they give me way too much to do, and I just don't have time. Then, I get in trouble for that. "Why didn't you have time?" Uh... because I DIDN'T. He keeps mentioning what I've been doing wrong. THEN... he wrote on the calendar for all the staff to see: L.A.(my initials) TIME MANAGEMENT Wed(date)class 12 min long, Wed(date) class 27 min  long, Tue 4/22 30min late for work, Tue 4/22 10min late for a private. I was not late for the private... the parent and I have an understanding that the private lesson will be between 5 and 5:15. It was 5:10.     o.0       I undestand what I did wrong, and I'm a perfectionist and beal myself up anyway. I don't need to see it on the calendar everyday and know all the staff sees it too.

I don't work well under constant critisism and scruteny. I usually end up snapping. Sometimes I really just want to say "fuck you" and leave. I won't though. I won't ... I'll just keep gritting my teeth and saying "yes, sir", hoping that the pressure will let up soon and I'll get into the new swing of things.

As of right now.... I love the people I get to see at work, I love class, Mr L isn't my biggest fan, and I'm not enjoying work AT ALL.
Tags: venting, workplace

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