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_Survivors_
A safe space to share stories and ask questions
A public appolagy of sorts? 
22nd-Apr-2008 12:26 pm
My last post seemed to have caused a bit of drama. Whenever I post, it causes drama. So, I just wanted to say sorry to anyone I may have offended. THE LJ - CUT ISN'T WORKING FOR WATEVER REASON. TRIGGERS MAY BE: DISGUTION OF THE WORD "WEAK", DISGUTION OF SUICIDE, MENTION OF SI, THOUGHTS ON ABUSE, SOME OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, FRUSTRATION WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE ADEQUATELY, FRUSTRATION WITH BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

The word "weak" apparently holds a lot of weight around here. I personally don't understand what the big deal is about being weak. We're all weak sometimes, we're all human. We all have moments that we just want to give up on. The all have moments where we don't fight as hard as we know we should. We all have moments where we wollow in our own self - pity. We're human, we're hurting, we're all weak sometimes.

We're also very strong though. Even though we have our weak moments when we don't want to give up or try anymore. We push through it and try to survive one more day. Unfortunately some people find their escape through suicide. It's unfortunate because they could have found support meaning, people cared about them... someone would've helped them. Maybe no one was paying attention, or the person just wasn't expressing their pain. It isn't the person's fault though. They didn't wake up and say "Gee, I think I'll kill myself today". I've been suicidal, I've been so depressed I can't function in everyday life. I've been diagnosed with PTSD and Clinical Depression. I've spent time in a mental health hospital. I've been going through therapy on and off sense I was thirteen. I know what it's like. I'm not some judemental outsider looking in. I've been through it.Suicide is always sad. You have to be strong, yet selfish to do it. But then again, when you're going through unbearable pain sometimes it's okay to be selfish.

Also, while, it wasn't our fault that we were abused, it is up to us how we heal. We can either blame everything on the abuser and the abuse, or we can take some personal responsibility. We can be responsible with how we handle ourselves after our abuse, we can be responsible for not letting it happen again. We can be responsible for taking care of ourselves. I've been through some bad stuff, not as bad as some, but bad enough. I know what everyone's going through, because I'm going through it. My boy friend has been pretty much constant abused in every form from about age five to about a year ago... he should either be homocidal or suicidal. He takes responsiblity for his part in things and he's a very motivated, positive person. I think all I'm trying to say is that, it's easier to deal with the abuse if you stop blaming your issues on someone/ something else and you take hold of the reigns yourself.

It's unfortunate that everytime I post here, there is drama caused. I don't sugar coat things. I say exactly what I'm thinking. A lot of the time I just don't express myself adequately. I have trouble communicating, I always have. I have trouble finding the words to express myself. That's the main reason I resorted to cutting almost two years ago. I'm trying to communicate better. Sometimes I know what I'm trying to express and then when I verbalise it, or write it down, people get offended. It's quite frustrating. I know it's my problem... and normally when you are the only one thinking one way and everyone else is thinking another, you are the one who's wrong. I dunno why I have so much trouble communicating, but it's very frustrating.

I'll just try to refrain from posting, and just comment if I have something helpfull to say.  
Comments 
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Apr-2008 05:30 pm (UTC)
At least someone thinks along the same lines that I do! =) hehe. I get frustrated when people blame everything on the abuse. You have to take responsibility for your actions, you know? How you handle yourself after your abuse is on you.

It is okay to be weak. We wouldn't be human if we weren't weak from time to time.
(Deleted comment)
23rd-Apr-2008 03:58 am (UTC)
Very true. But... sometimes keeping yourself is just commen sense. As far as common sense goes,fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You know?
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Apr-2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
You made a good point
No matter what we do have control over our own actions
(even if we can't control the actions of others)
But I can understand how some feel they are only a victim
it's sad really

I'm sorry you were meet with drama,
although I don't really know what you posted last time lol
You have every right to say how you feel here
this community as do others

=D
23rd-Apr-2008 03:55 am (UTC)
I agree, and thank you. =)

22nd-Apr-2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
It's not just that one word hon, althought that was a particularly judgemental word in the context in which you used it. It's the manner in which you phrased your point of view.

Yes, we are each personally responsible for ourselves and our actions. However, the abuse does indeed affect us negatively as well. No-one here is trying to blame someone else for their own issues. What we do here is rest the onus for the abuse on the abuser. Yet the very nature of abuse and depression (since depression often results from the abuse) is such that our ability to cope positively and constructively with stress and with the aftereffects of the abuse is severely minimized. That takes time to work through and process. Sometimes a person might succumb to suicide during that process. This doesn't mean they are not being responsible for their issues, it does not mean they are blaming anyone else. Oftentimes, when one feels suicidal, they are blaming themselves.

Also, each person reacts to their abuse differently. So while what you and your boyfriend have found to be effective may not be so effective for someone else.

I understand you are frustrated. However, you don't have to sugarcoat things to be tactful and to express a nonjudgemental viewpoint.
22nd-Apr-2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
I agree 100%.

-stac
23rd-Apr-2008 12:37 am (UTC)
Please also take into consideration that people can have mental and emotional disorders after abuse, which can cause behaviors and feelings that they cannot always easily control. Also abuse cycles can make a person unable to move past a certain point in healing without intervention, and intervention isn't always available.

I'm unable to go back and read your previous entry, as it's been deleted, but I do agree with briar_witch that a person doesn't have to sugarcoat things in order to be tactful and express viewpoints without judgment.

No one is asking anyone to refrain from posting in this community. However, if you decide to do so, that is your choice. The only thing that is asked is to be conscientious of other people's feelings while still being able to express yours. ♥
23rd-Apr-2008 02:16 am (UTC)
Actually that entry is here: http://community.livejournal.com/_survivors_/1442710.html, and has not been deleted.

23rd-Apr-2008 12:59 am (UTC)
Weak is a very emotionally charged word when you are talking in a group of abuse survivors. Think of how many abusers tell us we're weak, how many people think we're weak for not "getting over it". Weak in context with this community and the abuse we've survived is of course going to get a huge reaction.

You don't need to sugarcoat things, but you do need to understand what words are emotionally charged in the context of abuse. If you use a word that is emotionally charged, explaining your intended meaning is all that's needed. By this post I can see that you meant weak more as vulnerable or overwhelmed, but you didn't clarify that earlier.

You certainly don't need to stop posting. All we ask is that you clarify when you mean something different, instead of just saying you mean something different and not clarifying it. If you don't clarify your intent, we can't know what you meant in the first place.

We, as mods, are responsible for making sure that no aspect of our abuse is repeated here. I want you to know I'm not mad at you, I don't think that you are forbidden to express an opinion - in the future, just clarify it when it's asked so we know your intent is very different than the judgmental tone our abusers have taken.
23rd-Apr-2008 03:37 am (UTC)
I thought the intent was understandable IN CONTEXT. That's why I posted what I did. I felt that the word was taken out of context, and the fact that the word "weak" was what the big deal was being made of.

Like I said earlier, I do appolagise. If I have to explain to that degree from now on, I'll try to, but I have a hard time expressing myself if I'm upset about something. So, it may not come out the way I want it to.
23rd-Apr-2008 07:55 am (UTC)
Hi, I'm new here, but I did see the original post in my RSS feed of this group. Really, at the time, I just took it as your being tired of seeing so much abuse in the world, and its aftereffects. I remember thinking that I understood it well. Seems like everywhere I turn, I see people trying to cope with it. Maybe that's off topic, I don't know.
Then I started thinking about some of the phrases that are commonly regarded as insulting. Things like "just a crutch". Yet no one would tell somebody with a broken leg that their crutches were just a crutch. Counseling is a sort of emotional crutch for me, and I have no problem with that. It helps me walk, emotionally. And really (speaking for myself), I am weak emotionally, as a direct result of the abuse. That's only demeaning to my abusers, and they'll have to live with it. To me, it's sort of sad that so many great people are made to feel that they have some reason to feel inferior for reacting to something beyond their control in a perfectly normal way.
Just my 2 cents worth, and I have no idea if it made any sense. But thanks to all. It made me think a lot. :)
24th-Apr-2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
I didn't comment at the last post because I didn't have energy to get involved, but I just want to say that I saw the post it didn't offend me. I didn't even understand why people were upset until I re-read it from a more objective viewpoint. I can understand how the word could strike a nerve, but I wasn't bothered and it didn't seem you meant it in a harsh or critical way.

I have a lot of trouble expressing myself verbally, too, especially online because words always come out wrong, so I'll just shut up here. :)
25th-Apr-2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
lol. Thanks.
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