Peter (peter_lorax) wrote in _survivors_,


A few notes on me:

I survived physical abuse. Its a bit more than that, in that I grew up more or less in isolation. Strange tale, my user bio has some notes. Anyway, I was physically abused by my father from age 3 or 4 until I was 17 and promised to kill him if he touched me. I was perfectly serious, I would have murdered him in his sleep and called the cops myself. He believed me, and never even tried to hit me or menace me physically again. Physical abuse here includes being punched, hit with objects (belt, book, pool cue, axe handle, firewood, plate, chair, anything handy really), kicked, stomped on, all that jazz.

In addition to the physical abuse there was the constant manipulation and control. How much control? Here's an example: To get federal aid for college, one has to provide parent information if parent is living so long as applicant is aged 22 and younger (or something along those lines - its been 15 years). My father said he would not fill out any more forms so that I could apply. Note the semantics - that he would not fill out forms, the implication that I could fill them out. So I asked him for his tax information, cause I needed it to fill out the fed forms. Well, daddy hadn't filed yet that year and didn't want to tell me, nor did he want me to know how much he made, so he told me he wasn't giving me his private financial information. So no application for federal aid. So I had to take his money or move out with no car, no place to live, and only what I'd saved working a minimum wage job the previous summer.

So I took his money and was made to feel beholden.

He tried to control every aspect of my life until I just wrote him out of my life. He's not tried to contact me since, though his agents: my sister (firstborn & favorite) and my aunt (his sister) send me an email or a letter or a call once every few months berating me for my cruelty in not talking to my father. My sister says I made up the abuse. My aunt says I'm un-chrstain for not forgiving. Its all manipulation.

So I don't talk to my sisters, my aunt, my fraternal grandmother, or my first cousins because they all tell me I am the bad guy for not speaking to my abuser, the manipulator who hurt me and tried to control me my entire life.

As one might imagine, I also have some PTSD symptoms, anger problems, and control issues as a result of going through what I did.
Tags: abuse: child, abuse: control, abuse: physical, family

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