xjmrufinix (xjmrufinix) wrote in _survivors_,

I'll spare everyone the novel that is my life story, but here is a little background and a current situation which is really getting to me. I would really appreciate anyone's advice or insight into this, since I don't have a lot of people in real life who can relate.

So when I was in eight grade I was sexually abused by a student who was a few years older than me. The circumstances were kind of weird and fucked up...it happened in the course of the guy beating me up in front of my whole gym class, and was actually initiated by the teacher as a punishment for me talking back or something. Everyone, including the teacher, watched and laughed and never did anything about it.

Even though he didn't physically do anything, it always felt to me like the teacher was the most culpable. The older student was just sort of like his goon to me, and it really felt like he got off on it. At the very least, he was grossly negligent and at least physically abusive by telling another student to beat me up.

After school I only saw the teacher once, when he came through my checkout line at work, and he pretended not to recognize me. I tried not to think about it and never really said anything until I was 24. I started going through therapy, and started the recovery process. It helped me a lot and eventually I felt like I should confront the teacher somehow. My therapist helped me write a letter to the school board, anonymously since I still have family in the area and didn't want any flack to come to them. Nothing came of it, which I expected, but at least there was some record of it in case anyone else went through what I did.

Anyways, I've been a lot better and not really been bothered so much by this stuff until I found out that my little sister, who just turned 14, is now in the same guy's gym class. I told my father to watch out for it, but he is willfully oblivious and either doesn't realize it or chose to do nothing about it. The way I found out is that my sister said to me one day, "hey, I have the same gym teacher you did. He said you were his favorite student". I feel like he was taking a dig at me, like he wanted me to know. I wonder if they confronted him about what happened. Even if my name wasn't on the letter, he would probably remember the incident. I worry a lot about my sister.

I really want to just go down there and confront the principal face-to-face about this, and demand at the very least they get my sister out of the class, but I'm worried about it not working and making things worse for her. I also don't know how it would feel to go back and face this. I feel so much stronger now but this is a lot for me. I also feel like my judgment may be clouded by my feelings around the whole thing.

edit: I just wanted to note that except for telling her that the teacher is a bad person, I haven't had a chance to tell her the whole story. my dad thinks all my childhood problems stem from lack of discipline and so he is very strict towards them and doesn't tell them anything he doesnt consider to be their business. he really believes that they are so obedient they wouldn't even be curious about something he has decided is "none of their business". I'm rarely alone with my sisters, since I only see them at his house. bringing this up in front of him would be a huge scene. it is very very important to my father that we all keep up appearances.

Tags: abuse: sexual, school
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