mauvedragon (mauvedragon) wrote in _survivors_,

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Family time at Christmas

It is early Boxing Day morning local time. I didn't fight with mum over Christmas but I did end up feeling extremely upset and triggered. I also managed to block my own ability to walk out by leaving gifts etc at my parents place while we were elsewhere.

The day between 11:00 am and 5:00pm went fine but it was 8:30 pm before I was home. The most triggering thing was a conversation that I had with the family about Dad's clothing. Mum said "We don't allow him to wear bright colours too often." That level of control is a function of abuse. I asked why several times and didn't get an answer I was happy with. I like to pretend that Dad is ok in choosing to stay with mum because him staying with her is a decision only he can make and I'm powerless to change the situation. I indicated to my immediate family soon afterwards that I wasn't coping emotionally and wanted to leave.

I went outside to get away from it all and message I. who is my lover. Mum came out a short time later. She had noticed that the conversation about the clothing was one of the things that upset me and tried to justify it by claiming the family had been talking crap and had been joking. I didn't believe her because she really does exercise that level of control over Dad's lifestyle. She also said I shouldn't take things too seriously, when she should know that that type of answer is far too simplistic when I have Borderline Personality Traits.

Tags: abuse: control, family, relationships

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