Tracey Mann (puss_in_boots36) wrote in _survivors_,
Tracey Mann

My Story...

I've posted here before, but not with my

In the beginning of 8th grade, I hooked up with this guy (we'll call him Joe)... a basic middle-school "let's make out for fun" kind of thing. He had shown interest in me, and at the time I was desperate for anyone who might want me. We "went out" for about an hour before we went into the woods behind the football field at one of the high school's football games to go make out. I had taken my shirt off, when he asked me to go down on him. I was hesitant, then said no. He continued to plead with me, then asked me if I would do it for money. I was offended and said no, and later he began to push my head down. After a while, I felt guilty/scared enough that I did it. I didn't tell anyone for about 2 1/2 years.

My concern is that I don't have many (if any) triggers. If put in a room with him, I might jump him and beat him to a pulp, but other than that... I can watch a movie with rape in it; the woods at night don't bother me; I'm not plagued by going down on a guy (even though I haven't for a while); the thought of whoring doesn't evoke more than a sympathetic response. The rape itself is more of a trigger. These past two weeks or so, it's triggered a whole lot.

Talking about it with my therapist, we both think that there's a significant chance that there is something else behind it, something that I've pushed so far back that I can't consciously think about it. I've been seeing her quite a bit lately and we've been going through childhood memories, but I come to a wall at a point and my memories just kind of... vanish. She's suggested hypnotherapy, or something of the like.

Has anyone here had this problem, or gone through hypnotherapy? What was it like... what could I expect? Any advice?

I'd appreciate any input you might have.

Tags: coercion, rape: oral
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