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Not doing so well 
22nd-Dec-2007 07:57 pm

On Sunday I went with my parents to a church of my choice (MCC as it happens) in what was meant to be a healing experience for all of us. We all benefited from it including me but I was extremely triggered afterwards. From Sunday night to Tuesday night I had real trouble with getting to bed at an early enough hour. Normal bedtime for me is sometime between 12:30 and 1:30. I also regularly drink lemon balm tea before bed to help me relax sufficiently to sleep. This has cut down how often I have problems with sleep. Friday morning I woke up completely covered in sweat from a bad dream. Last night I woke up twice covered in sweat from a bad dream. The first time was just before 5 and I stayed awake for an hour distracting myself before trying to sleep again. The second time it was late enough for me to get up. Usually when I have particularly bad dreams only my legs end up covered in sweat. This is also an increased frequency.

Thursday we had a number of thunderstorms and flash flooding. I got stuck at a station and had to call dad to pick me up and run me back to my place. We've continued to have wet weather since then. This changeable weather has made my back tense up all the time and health problems never do anything good for my emotional state.

The last time I had a fight with Mum was at Easter and it was about religion. My parents are mainstream Christians, I'm a Christian Heretic and Kemetic reconstructionist. I don't want to fight anymore but the stress of Christmas means that it is particularly likely at this time of year. Mum gets stressed by the changed commercial conditions at Christmas and by having to help organise food for the our Christmas dinner as an extended family. I just get stressed about the amount of family time I may have. Christmas day I'm spending two meals with various parts of the extended family, my parents and my brother. I'm also spending a short time on boxing day so I can see my Aunt, Uncle and cousins. The other hot topic is my identity as a Queer and my attitudes to relationships.

So I've been stressed, anxious and unhappy lately. This evening I was suficiently depressed that I couldn't find something that appealed to me for dinner. Although I did end up eating. I haven't had that problem in months.


22nd-Dec-2007 02:52 pm (UTC)
Definitely hugs! And a happy Solstice to you - remember, it only gets brighter from here!

Families can be a pain. Christmas Day is the only day of the year I see my mother. My wife and I will make a two and a half hour journey twice on that day so we don't have to sleep over. I don't know when or if I will see my father.

I relate to the health issues - I live with fibromyalgia.

Do Kemetic Reconstructionists observe the Winter Solstice? I know of one group that holds an annual Solstice party, but I don't know if this is a general thing.
22nd-Dec-2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the hugs.

Not really and I'm in Australia so it is Summer solstice anyway. However my particular group will be celebrating the Festival of the Celistial Cow in honour of Nut and Hethert before the end of the month.

Edited at 2007-12-22 09:08 pm (UTC)
22nd-Dec-2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
*many hugs!*

Something that I try to do is positively re-frame things that I feel obligated to do (like spend time with family). For example, I can leave if I start to feel comfortable and I have the benefit of knowing what to expect from my family, so I can make sure to take extra care of myself before I am around them.

Also, if you are worried about one specific problem (and like visualization exercises) try to take yourself through the expected problem and come up with different ways that you can healthily and successfully get through it with the least stress.

Take care. ♥

22nd-Dec-2007 09:10 pm (UTC)
While I feel obligated, at Christmas if I didn't spend sometime with them I'd feel really strange, like the year I didn't have a Christmas tree.

Nightmare before christmas is great, that particular icon also shows a bit how I sometimes feel around my family during Christmas as well.

Edited at 2007-12-22 09:11 pm (UTC)
22nd-Dec-2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
*safe hugs AND nightmarebeforechristmas love!*
23rd-Dec-2007 05:21 am (UTC)
I've been having nightmares lately, too, though they've abated a bit.

And right now, I am truly dreading Christmas Eve. And I'm worried about ailing older relatives that I adore and I'm being guilted by so many other family members because I can't do what I once did and such. :P

Anyway, I feel your pain. *hug*
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