ElliKatFan07 (ellikatfan07) wrote in _survivors_,

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This is too much.

it's been almost a year, it will be on New Years Eve/New Years.

I've done such a good job of covering it up and acting like nothing happened that now I am forgetting details. The few details I remember, and it makes me feel as though I'm making it up when I do thinking about it.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense.

I never talk about what happened,  and only told 3 people about it-- well not even all  that went on but ya know. my teacher knows most, and I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. I feel bad because I trust her the most but I don't want to trust her too much-- I know she would be there to talk to me if I needed it though. I just don't want a pity party.

and I can't even fit a counselor into my schedule between work and school. The only time I can get counseling is between 5:30-7p.m. and that is when most offices are on there last appointments for the day.

I'm angry, so angry. Not at him but at myself. I hate me to no end. but no one really knows that because I cover up my feelings. I always am just "ok" or I just say I'm tired.

I need to feel my feelings-- I haven't cried in almost a year. It's like I can't feel anymore.

ps: i'm sorry this is really negative, and sorry that I never comment anyone elses journals, I mean to but I guess I just get too caught up in my world.

I just want out.

pps. sorry for the spelling errors.
Tags: emotional numbing, telling others
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