wildwordwomyn (wildwordwomyn) wrote in _survivors_,

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Been thinking, since the temp I've posted about before is in the office early today, and trying to figure out why I don't like him, why I don't trust him. Finally hit me. Nice. He's too damn nice. I don't trust nice people because they're the ones who hurt you the most. The ones you think might like you are usually the type to stab you in the back with a smile on their face. I know not everyone is like this. I know some people actually are nice. But I still don't trust them. And this guy...Too nice. Like another lady here that was just hired. Too nice. Don't trust her either, but it's worse with him. Because he's a man and I already have a hard time trusting men...Maybe I have such a hard time with "nice" because in my family nice is just a cover-up, like make up. It's not real. People think my mom is the nicest person in the world, but they don't have to deal with her like I do. I know better. I grew up with her, and the brother, and supposed friends at school, being "nice" all the time. When they weren't being mean. Nice makes me wonder what's wanted from me. It's automatic, you know? I don't trust "nice"...Now is one of those times where I actually wish my dissociative nature would kick in. But it will later so who am I kidding? Anyway, back to work.

Here's to hoping we all survive the holidays with our sanity intact...
Tags: triggers: reminder of abuser
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