I don't know why he bothers me. Can't explain it. Don't think it's just because he's a man. Let's face it, he's pale and White, neither of which is comparable to my brother/abuser. But there's something in the way he's too friendly. Maybe that's it. The other guys here, my other co-workers, just aren't that friendly. Yeah, some of them are nice some of the time. But this guy? Too much all the time. I automatically don't trust him. Automatically wanna back away. Not physically afraid but I don't wanna talk to him either. And he tries. Why can't I like him? Desperate. That's what comes off him when I see him. Too desperate to be liked or something. It's weird. I can be desperate at times myself. I know this. And now that I'm in a relationship I become it more often than I'd like. But this is different somehow. It, he, makes me wary somehow. He's making me something. Bracelet or necklace or some such because he loves doing...whatever the craft is (I'll know when I see it but it slips my mind at the moment)...but all I can think is "I don't know you. I don't want anything from you. No." I even tried to tell him not to make this thing for me but he wants to. So? So I figure I'll accept it, then pitch it. He's a temp and we're slow so hopefully they'll get rid of him soon. Otherwise I'm screwed. All because I don't wanna come off as mean since so many people think that about me already. (Funny how when a female says no, stands up for herself, she's mean or a bitch.) Anyway, just wanted to write about that.
On a good note, I self-published a book of poetry and I'll be going home soon just to look at the cover, at my words, and feel like I'm here on this earth, still, for a reason :)