wildwordwomyn (wildwordwomyn) wrote in _survivors_,

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Fear Is A Bitch

So here's the thing. I can be a real bitch at times. Stubborn as a mule, annoying as a fly fluttering around your ear, loud enough to make you lose hearing, and too afraid of love. Today I am afraid. Of what exactly I'm not sure. She hasn't done anything. At all. But afraid nonetheless. And for some reason the fear's making me angry, so I'm trying to stay away from her before I take it out on her. Feels like PMS but that should've passed at least a week ago. So what's up? Who the hell knows? I keep trying to keep watch of my body and my emotions to see if maybe I'm going through peri-menopause. Because it's possible, you know? But nothing jumps out at me. Nothing too over-the-top. Normal PMS symptoms for me. Maybe it's just really bad right now because I'm still adjusting to having her live with me. Makes sense right? Never lived with a lover before...Yeah, has to be it. So why am I at her computer instead of in the living room with her? Good question. Truth is I want to be in there instead of shutting myself off. So...Fuck it, I'm goin in.........And no more computer. I've got a live human being feet away who actually loves me of all people! How great is that?
Tags: anxiety
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