versions_of_me (versions_of_me) wrote in _survivors_,

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She sees no difference between the lies and compliments as long as somone needs her.

I just can't help but to constantly think back to the girl I was before all of this happened. I was so innocent and so care-free. No one tried to take my virginity because they all knew how much it ment to me, and they respected that I didn't drink or do the other things they did... But now, those friends are gone because after it happened, they just could never see me the same. I became a charity case instead of a friend, and when I wanted to let it go the most...they couldn't. Guys take advantage of the fact that i'm mortified to say no to them. Sex in general scares me to death. I don't know what to do or how to act when affection used to be such a special thing. I loved being held and kissed and cuddled...and now, all I can think about is how i'm going to avoid the situation so they don't try to have sex with me...and if they do I start crying. I don't want to be this girl...I miss the real me.

People always tell me that I shouldn't let what happened define who I am, and as hard as I try, that seems impossible. I can't just pretend i'm the same girl, or act how I used to... I want to be able to adore men the way I used to, and forgive those who hurt me instead of always holding a grudge.

I miss me.
Tags: rape
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