on a different note, justin asked me about what i am going to do if next time i talk to jeff he wants to discuss his past. i'm not saying i have this all certain yet, but here are my thoughts... one, the jeff i know today is not the jeff of early years who molested. *blah...i'm gonna have to wash my mouth out with soap for saying that 'm' word!* so i can remain his friend, however there are some boundaries that I am making. he may share, but in no way will i pity him or help him carry his burden of shame and guilt-period! no matter what his sob story or home life was like...no matter if he had it done to him first. it is no excuse. i will grant him sympathy if that is the case, but no excuse. i am glad he is remorseful and willing to struggle to overcome, however, i WILL NOT allow him to share just so that he feels better about himself. I WiLL NOT carry the burden of the abuser and the victim. he must carry it all by himself. if he wants help with that, he will have to seek it elsewhere like in counseling. I WILL NOT comfort him in this. I will NOT validate his experience or downplay what he did because he is my friend. NO, because he is my friend i will be brutally honest with him, if he asks i will tell him what an awful and shameful thing this is that he did. and i will let him swallow that reality by himself. i will not be mean to him for the sake of being mean or vengeful, but i will not apologize for revealing the harsh reality of it. i will not apologize for any consequences that may result from that. i will not carry any of his blame. he must take it in full responsibility. i may use him to gain insight into the mind of a beast, to maybe help answer some unresolved questions. not to counsel him in it, but for my own sake. i will let him know honestly how it makes me feel. and if i at any time want to cease talking about it, i will end the conversation at my choosing. he is my friend, but this is MY COURT! you play by MY RULES now or you don't play at all. *ahem*
so these are MY boundaries. this is MY LIFE. these are MY RULES enforced with MY POWER. and i will hurt you till you see the ends of yesterday and tomorrow meet if you break them. when i say "NO!" i mean "NOOOO!!!!!" got it??? victims aren't as weak as you think. i am not here to dump on. i am moving on. you can stay here if you want, but i ain't picking up your weight for you! i will NOT carry your shame for you. It is MY TURN NOW!!!!!
BOOM! Hear the thunder? I am moving on. don't mess with me any longer. you will regret it!