versions_of_me (versions_of_me) wrote in _survivors_,

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"The Other Girl"

"The short version"
Boy and girl meet.
Girl recently broke up with fiance.
Boy recently broke up with 4-year girlfriend.
Girl wants to move on.
Boy wants rebound.
Girl falls for boy.
Boy doesn't.

"The details"
I met Young racing, and since, we've become inseperable. In all honesty, I could just rant and rave for hours because no real words begin to explain how he makes me feel. Over the past week, he has learned every secret I try to keep from the world, every insecurity, and every possible way to make my heart beat faster and my cheeks turn red. We can lay awake til all hours of the morning in endless conversations about the most important, and the most insignificat things in life. And with him, I have had more firsts than with anyone i've ever known. We go to the movies and he hugs me and holds my hand...we walk downtown and can't stop smiling at one another. We go out to dinner, he drives my car, and...we went to the lakefair fireworks. I didn't know how he'd act because we arn't dating...But in front of the world, he wrapped his arms around me and held me as tight as he possibly could with an occasional kiss on the cheek. I have NEVER spent a holliday with someone, and lakefair is far from a holliday, but I was there, under a sky lit up with fireworks and for the first time in my life...I was that girl. The girl who had someone to hold her, who wasn't there alone. And most of all, someone who was happy to be there with me. I must've looked like a little girl with a smile plastered across my face and eyes lit up like a fairytale princess...

But...*sigh* It is so much more complicated than all that. He just broke up with the girl he thought he was going to marry...and here I am. Sometimes he rebounds and has sex with other girls. And one time even told me that him and his ex were going to work things out. We are together every day and are amazing company to eachother. But he said so himself, he loves that I care about him, he just doesn't want me to fall for him. I see his point, but I am also smart enough to know you don't get to choose who you love. It's the little things he says like "I missed you since I woke up" and "Listen, I don't know very much right now but I do know that I just want to see you...please". I know he has sex with other girls, but that's because they are one night stands and I told him if we had sex i'd get attached and never talk to him again, and it's not something he's willing to risk. Besides, I have seen him all but two days of this past week, so I know most of his time is spent with me anyways. But it's besides the point, i'm in a fucked up fairytale. One side of me is so madly in love that I almost think this is worth continuing, and I say that because in the end, maybe I will have a broken heart, but I know I will always look back at this experience as one of the best things that has ever happened to me. On the other hand, I know the truth and reality is that I should be running right now, as fast as possible, but I hate knowing i'll always be looking behind me and wondering "what if". I tell him daily that when he is moved on and ready to be with someone else, that I doubt it's going to be me, and when he does, i'm going to be gone because it's not worth being the friend who admires him from afar...and I think oddly enough, he really is worried about losing me, and I like knowing someone needs me.
PLEASE HELP ME, but be sensitive, not harsh.
Tags: promiscuity, relationships, seeking support

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