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25th-Feb-2005 12:17 pm
Evil Amber
I called the Rape Crisis Center on Wednesday. I wanted to know what kind of support groups they had locally for me, and if I could find a therapist who specializes in rape cases and who also works on a sliding scale. They said they'd be able to take care of that for me, and I made an appointment to meet with one of the ladies there at 2pm today.

That's coming up awfully soon...and I'm panicking.

What if they don't believe me? Sure as hell the cops and the CPS didn't believe me. They even wrote in their police report that I was "irrational and out of control". They believed him without even talking with me. I just don't want this strange woman looking at me like I'm something filthy and unclean.

I know I have to go. I made the appointment and I know I have to do this for my own good, because I need help before my depression slides down further.

I'm freaking out there. I don't know if I can do this. I wish one of my friends was going with me. My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. My chest feels tight and my head is aching. What if I have a panic attack in there, or worse yet, a flashback?

I don't know if I can do this.
25th-Feb-2005 12:51 pm (UTC)
Why wouldn't she believe you? If the Crisis Center scheduled the appointment and directed you to her, then they take you seriously. And she would be able to tell, the therapist I mean, who isn't being truthful about this situation: she even specialises in these things.

You can do it. It's going to be hard, more than that even, but it's for yourself and your health. :( I know you have no idea who I am, but trust me when I say it's better off being said.
25th-Feb-2005 01:54 pm (UTC)
What if I have a panic attack in there, or worse yet, a flashback?

Well, what if? It will upset you, yes, but it would at any other time. The person you are going to see is trained to handle it. Their sympathy and support may even be helpful. They should be able to help calm you, talk you through it.

Best of luck.
25th-Feb-2005 07:46 pm (UTC)
I've volunteered for two different sexual assault centres, and the first thing they taught us to do in both cases was to believe the person no matter how strange their story is. They're also not going to blame you, or look at you as though you're unclean. They got into this field because they care passionately about this issue and want to help people who are struggling, and they wouldn't be able to continue doing it if they were that judgmental. And as someone else mentioned, they're trained to deal with people having panic attacks and even flashbacks. They'll just help you through it. Good luck!
25th-Feb-2005 08:11 pm (UTC)
You can do this, be strong. :) Everything will be okay. Made sure to tell us how it goes!

26th-Feb-2005 12:05 pm (UTC)
Talking to a counselor will be a HUGE step in your healing process. I doubted for months that my counselor believed me, even though she always said she did, just because I totally blamed myself and thought that anyone who heard my story would as well. I now KNOW she believes me and she even helped me to believe me as well, because sometimes I just thought I shouldn't be making as big a deal out of it as I was. This is a huge step. You can do it! You have so much strength for listening to your need to talk to someone. It took me years.
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