I called the Rape Crisis Center on Wednesday. I wanted to know what kind of support groups they had locally for me, and if I could find a therapist who specializes in rape cases and who also works on a sliding scale. They said they'd be able to take care of that for me, and I made an appointment to meet with one of the ladies there at 2pm today.
That's coming up awfully soon...and I'm panicking.
What if they don't believe me? Sure as hell the cops and the CPS didn't believe me. They even wrote in their police report that I was "irrational and out of control". They believed him without even talking with me. I just don't want this strange woman looking at me like I'm something filthy and unclean.
I know I have to go. I made the appointment and I know I have to do this for my own good, because I need help before my depression slides down further.
I'm freaking out there. I don't know if I can do this. I wish one of my friends was going with me. My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. My chest feels tight and my head is aching. What if I have a panic attack in there, or worse yet, a flashback?
I don't know if I can do this.