versions_of_me (versions_of_me) wrote in _survivors_,

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Guilty of a good thing

Kevin called around 9:30 like he promised he would. I don't have service at my parents house, but my phone dinged to let me know I had a new voicemail. He said him and his neighbors were just hanging out and having a drink if I wanted to come hang out he'd enjoy the company... So, I took a little while to see my family, and then decided a night out would definately be benneficial for my emotional being. I got to the base where his friend Charles met me at the gate to get me a pass. It was an interesting ride back to the house but it was fun none the less and we both got a few good laughs. At the house I met Charles wife, Sandy, and their friend Sean. Everyone had been drinking for a while, and I just had a mild kahlua..yum. The night was indescribable. I don't remember the last time I was with a group of people doing absolutely nothing, but loving it. We laughed the entire time and had so much fun. At one point, we were all standing in the kitchen when randomly another girl walks in the door? I was a little akward feeling because no one mentioned another girl coming over, and I had NO IDEA who she was...As it turns out, she's his boss...Not in the army, but at his side job. It also just so happens that she is apparantly obsessed with him haha. She followed him ALL NIGHT, and when he sat by me on the couch to watch a movie she stood behind us? She kept talking about sleeping in his bed and so on so fourth, but the reality is...I already knew the story. They were drinking and he said she could crash in the spare bedroom and came home to her in his bed so he slept in the other room. You'd die if you could have just been there...How hard she was trying to make ME jealous, and sadly enough for her, I just didn't care! He sat by me on the couch, and asked ME to stay the night (which I didn't but he had good inentions), and hugged ME goodnight. Besides, we talked about everything as I was saying goodbye and he said he had no idea why she was acting that way because he has never shown her any sign of wanting to be anything but friends, and if she doesn't knock it off, he's going to quit working for her. Either way, i'm not the girlfriend so I don't care really...But of course it was nice to hear anyways :) So really we all just had a couple drinks, listened to good music, and watched a movie and a half til 3:30 rolled around and the neighbors went home and I had to get up early so I went home too. Everyone loved me, and I loved feeling like I had friends.

...But, part of me felt bad. The last time me and Deric talked, argued rather, he said the first thing he was going to do was get tested, and get a job, and save the money for me to go there...The next day I got a voicemail saying he "woke up late and didn't make it to the clinic in time"...So I never called him back, and he didn't try to call yesterday. Sadly, i'm not surprised, in fact, I knew he wouldn't go. And what's even worse, is that i'm not upset. Last night was my test to see if I really was ready to move on, and I am. Lord only knows how much I love Deric, but I have to take into consideration my own feelings and what I deserve, and I know, and have known that I deserve much better. And i've given chance after chance for two years but there's only so much you can do til you get to the point where you're just...done. Now it's a matter of voicing to him that i'm moving on, and i'm really upset. *Sigh*
Tags: friendships, happiness, relationships

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