moon_wolf9 (moon_wolf9) wrote in _survivors_,
moon_wolf9
moon_wolf9
_survivors_

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I don't know what to do....

I'm so lost...one of my ex's e-mailed me on myspace a couple of days ago. I can't believe he finally found me. I've been trying to avoid him ever since I broke up with him. I feel like I'm going to have another panic attack writing this....but I have to get it all out.
Ok..this guy is a real jerk. He started out really nice...just like they all do. Then started the obsession and possessiveness. Then after that came the telling me that I couldn't wear this and I couldn't talk to him or her. He then convinced me to move out of my house...which then involved the cops and stuff like that because I wasn't 18 at the time (there was more reasons than that but I would never have left no matter what unless he told me to.) Then came the drugs and drinking. Before I knew it...I was selling them for him...doing them with him...and I was hooked. Then started the abuse. He started yelling at me...and then after a little bit of time he started hitting me. That went on for a little while...and then the sexual abuse. He even got me knocked up...and when I told him that I was pregnant...he beat me so badly that I lost the baby. He said he already had a child...and he didn't want another one. He was constantly cheating on me...and accusing me of cheating on him. One time I was so messed up...I blacked out...when I came to he was on top of me...and one of his friends what watching. I kept blacking out (I have no idea what the drugs were that I took all I know is that he didn't take them) and in between the blackouts him and his friend had their way with me.

I tried to talk to my counselor about it but all she said was "
flattery is good for anyone"...just because he said i was looking good as always....i just don't know.....

And now he's talking to my brother....
I knew he would find a way back into my life....damn him...why can't anyone just listen to me...first my therapist...now my brother.


Tags: anxiety, contact with abuser, flashbacks
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