face up and SING (obsessive0514) wrote in _survivors_,
face up and SING
obsessive0514
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Question...


Okay, wow... I can't quite believe I'm actually asking this...

I've been doing some reading about the definition of molestation, and many sources, both informational websites and people, (if that makes sense?) define sexual molestation as something along the lines of "any unwanted sexual contact/touching" of a person of any age. Clearly, non-consensual groping falls under that category. And so that raises the question...

Was I molested?

Here's what happened:

Back in February, I was groped by a drunk guy a year or two older than me at a Safeway. (I'm sixteen now, fifteen when this happened.) He was with someone I knew back in elementary school, we greeted each other, and he asked me for my name, and when I told him he said "I remember you, give me a hug." I didn't exactly have the time to THINK about his intentions, and he was already getting his arms around me. One of his hands grabbed my butt. When I saw/felt, I freaked out and tried to push him away, but I couldn't get away until HE let go on his own. He and his friends walked away laughing while I ran looking for my mommy. My first "sexual" experience and it was completely lacking in consent. I've never even been KISSED. I just wanted a box of Pocky.

Now I freak out when a guy comes near me, looks at me a certain way, makes a comment about me behind my back, ANYTHING. (Except my male friends, and guys similar to them. Unfortunately, there's a lot of slime at my school.) I panic and want to get away. It's different around my male friends that I've known for awhile, though. But any male who behaves even slightly like they'd do something like this, I just want to scream "Get away from me!" when they approach me. Also, whenever I see guys behaving this way towards girls, I want scream at them and call them scum, even if it's in the middle of class and the teacher's talking. I also occasionally have nightmares, or nightmare like dreams. Such as, that night, I dreamt that I kept trying to punch something but nothing happened, and a few weeks ago I dreamt that someone kept touching my butt and I couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes, I still feel his hand there, and on a few occasions, it hurts where he touched. Whenever my family has to go to Safeway, because it's cheaper or we need meds or milk (my mom ONLY drinks Safeway milk), I either try to convince them to go to Haggen or volunteer to stay in the car. When I do go inside, I try to avoid going off alone, but sometimes I have to. God, I hate that Safeway. As you can see, this whole mess has seriously affected me.

So... Was I molested?
Tags: molestation, seeking opinions: is this rape/sa
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