shadowkat3 (shadowkat3) wrote in _survivors_,

some questions following my last post

1) what in the hell was what matt did? rape? sex? shrapex? not even kidding. usually, that would be my Grade A Sarcasm kicking in. But now? Christ, i have no idea!!!!!! i mean, some of the comments have helped (thanx sooo much yall that commented. omg thank u soooo much you're the reason i have for not running away and never coming back or walking towards that light and never coming back) but seriously. i didnt tell matt no. not once. but he didnt want it any more than i what does that mean??? arghhh
2) so why did matt do that? seriously what did he think could have been worse? he left early this morning and hasnt been home since, and quite frankly, im glad. i'm gonna tear him a freaking new one when he gets back. i hope he hits me or shows some sort of emotion cause if he doesnt i'll be even madder. he'd better not just sweep this under his litttle "Rug Under Which I Hide All My Feelings" cause i cant  do that and this concerns both of us, but really this time
3) where in the fucking hell did steve come up with that? seriously, it's horrible. whoever came up with it should be shot. taken out back and shot. in the face. with a .45. by the person they trust most in the entire world. arghhhhhhhh
4) why did steve do that? he's never been into the whole "woo i get off watching kat and matt suffer" thing. roger sure as fuck was, but he told us that! with his whole "well kids, im studying the affects of fear and pain on people. would you like to be the subjects for my child study?" yeah we got that. but why steve? he's a lawyer for G-d's sake. he's never been into anythinglike that. ever. at all. so why start now? christ well its quite the intro into the whole field, i gotta hand that at least to him. gahh
5) what was matt thinking? why did he do that? how could he? on some level, the level on which i still consider myself to be very young, i think this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. matt hurt me. why did he do that? what did i do wrong? does he hate me? should i hate him? but its matt. but he hurt me. but steve made him. steve threatened him. but did he have to? why did he?
yeah you can see where that (^) would get me. absolutely NOwhere

so yeah. there it is and here's me officially going to take some more painkillers for my headache and my general mind and body ache
*curses at world and becomes resigned to moving to live on mars* maybe the martians are nicer
Tags: seeking opinions: is this rape/sa, seeking support, venting
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