Cloud Nine (song_ofdevotion) wrote in _subversivewife,
Cloud Nine

new here.
I'm 31 and have 2 boys, ages 5 and 11.
we just moved to this northern california area and luckily I like it. I am always worried people are going to think we are weird at the schools the kids go to. They have watched horror movies since they were 2 yrs old, they LOVE them! They like to dress up really scary for halloween. They like the bloody scary wrestlers on t.v.... I'm always thinking their teachers will call me one day and ask what in world I am teaching them! hahaha!

I like S&M stuff.... I like being spanked(too much info!!hahaha!) and am always worried people will see my bruises and think that my hubby beats me against my wishes! HAHAHAHA!

I am a closeted atheist. Close to coming out though! I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me that people won't like me if they think I don't believe in god.

I was raised in a weird christian religious cult... so I really can't stand christians...not all christians, just the ones who shove it down your throats and think it is "loving your child" if you beat the shit out of them. GRRR, that pisses me off so bad.
I have OCD(most likely from my wonderful childhood, which I cannot remember at all for some reason), and just started taking Lexapro which is awesome! I am thinking of going into therapy soon to get out all this anger I have towards my parents for being sooo weird!
I try not to hate all religions or religious people. Some people are so much better for being religious. But still I can't help feeling some sort of contempt for people who believe that there is some invisible god up in the clouds somewhere who created us all.
I am confused though, because i don't just want to die and have my soul not live on. Actually, I am not sure I even believe in a soul.

oh well.
I've rambled on enough. hahaha!
nice to meet you all!
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