i don't understand me anymore one day i'm up and the next i'm down. is this life i'm living or is it all just a fake? am i a whore or am i clown? why can't i make up my mind, why can't i decide. why can't i be strong and just be me? why am i so confused, lost and dazed? why do i have all the answers and yet can't seem to find the right one? why am i not broken why am i still here? i don't understand how i'm breathing don't understand how i'm walking. is it me or am i just a puppet, a joke for the world to laugh at? i feel like both and yet neither, none of this makes any sense. sadistic and masochistic yet gentle and tender in one thought; liberalistic and conservativistic; legalistic and humanistic...perhaps the great paul was right. to die may be to gain...to leave this all behind. and yet it's clear i'd rather live, fake life is better then real life, where the weak die and the strong rule, the sweet girls cry and the sluts are cool, fake life is always better then real life, if only the screams were real how funny they sound. like a record scratched the wrong way. the silent are stronger but the weak are louder. they look at me and they see a face that holds no depth. they look at me and they see an empty promise. they look at me and see a dirty girl. but what do they expect? they never interevened, they only yelled, pleaded and screamed. they look at me and they saw no purpose. they look at me and they saw no reason. they look at me and they see no life. no, nobody's home, it's just funny, ironic really. they just stand there and keep knocking. instead of running round the back and following me as i leave. but it's just as well, because they'd probably just be following me to hell. they can't stop me, they can't change me, and what kills them most is they know they can't save me. i fucked up and then they fucked up...but two fuck ups don't make it fixed up. i guess i finally just stopped trying, the harder you try the more it becomes a simple lie. in the end it's all the same, it's never real life anymore. you never see more then anyone's game face, real is a thing of the past, we're all skimmed and dehydrated, full of fat free, artificial flavor, pasturized and culturized straight up Americans. if you can't eat anything real you're certainly not going to find anybody that's real. just admit it, we're all pawns in a chess game, bible says so itself, you're either black or white, good or bad. to be both isn't possible. funny, bible is full of contradictions and yet all us christians deny that they are contradictions. i guess we're all tongues, capable of good and bad. guess what? you're talking to a psycho. oh don't worry i won't kill you. you're not the one i want dead. nope, not quite, not to be rude or anything but you just don't quite cut it. no pun intended. hope you're not offended but i really don't want you. i'm after the weak, the fools, the brainless. biggest(or smallest i should say) one first. bye bye...