Well, had I posted a week ago, I would have happily reported that we made up, and that he is actually trying to help me now. No, he doesn't love me back. But we are trying to develop a solid friendship because friendships usually last longer than relationships...
However! It really kills me that he doesn't know how to say things. It's not by constantly telling me: "STOP cutting yourself!" that I will stop! It's not by telling me that I'm beautiful, and that cuts take the beauty away, or by anything else! If I wanna cut, then I will cut! "You cannot change my life! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" is all I have to say.
There are still many things wrong with me, including a morally abusive father and lots of other shit. Even if that guy is there for me, there are some things he will never be able to change.
So, people... if your friends need to cut, let them be. You're NOT helping by telling them to stop!!!
This is a comment a friend of mine wrote for me:
sweetheart, right off the bat, let me say i know where you're coming from. I myself cut, but I know how it feels to be on the other side, because my friend does too. You don't want to see people who you think are so perfect and so unbroken hurting themselves (like you) but at the same time, you can't see that to them, you may just be that perfect and unbroken. I've been having a pretty hard time lately, and one of my friends, everyday, she grabs a highlighter and writes "I am loved" all over my arms and legs so I can't cut. It works too. I used to cut every night. Now I can't bear to cut over the words, and by the time you wash it off, you're over cutting. Highlighter does come off, you just have to scrub. Maybe that's better, because you're not drawing blood, but it still hurts a bit. Sweetheart, I know how much this doesn't help, but I'm going to just give you the same speech i was given.
I need you. I need everyone. No matter how little i talk to you, I still need you to function properly. If you're cutting for the pain and not for death, then that's a little (but very very big) step on the road to recovery. You may think now "Oh i'm not worth saving.." but you ARE. If I'm worth saving, you are. And I've been told a million times, so you must be a million and one times more then me worthy to be saved. Don't leave me here alone...please. I understand, and i promise not to judge you on this.
You're too important to someone to loose..
Guys... if you wanna help, get a pink highlighter, and do what my friend said. It helped her, and hopefully it will help others too.