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My own affliction

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(Make A Wish)

Addict Life [21 Oct 2015|07:56pm]

Life as an addict. Wake up sometimes at 5-AM, crack open the first beer. Drink and watch TV till maybe 10-AM or later. By 1-PM, I’m asleep. Passed out. I wake again by 5-PM and start my ritual again. At least at 27-years of age, I smoke pot to length the space of beers.

Mondays and Wednesdays are my worse. Take for example today. Last night we went to bed around 1 or 2-AM. We woke again around 7-AM. Started drinking. Bed by 1-PM. Woke up 5-PM. Started drinking again.

I used to be some sort of athlete when I had a place to train in martial arts. Now? My only home is what I make of it. In alcohol. At least I haven't sliced my flesh in over a year, I got that going for me ;)

(1 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

Kenzi Jae's application [17 Aug 2009|07:14pm]


1. Name: Kenzijae. I prefer Jae, or K.Jae
2. Age: 15
3. Location: Lubbock, TX
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.):cutting/branding 
5. Top 5 favorite bands: Fireflight, Decyfer Down, Sanctus Real, Red, Staind..  a BUNCH more
6. Drugs: Never done drugs
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Pearl Harbor, All the Final Destinations, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. (a lot of horror movies), The Notebook, umm.. having trouble thinking. 
8. Top 5 favorite books: Oh this is hard. I read SOO much.. 
9. Will your promote this community?: For sure.. 
10. Are you good with making graphics?: Nope, but i can take/edit pictures like a mad woman.
11. Favorite Song?: At the moment, Stand Up by Fireflight
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: A drama/romance/comedy
13. Favorite Colors?: Teal, dark dark pink, purple
14. Tell us about your self: As i said, I'm 15 years old. I live in a very small town and my style isn't widely accepted here so therefore I'm considered and called "weird" regularly. Aside from that though, I am in LOVE with photography. I couldn't survive without my ipod. Music is kind of like cutting for me.. it helps relax me sometimes. Volleyball is my favorite sport, i play Labero. I don't really like sports all that much at all but I'm very small. I weigh about 98 pounds and am 5'1". I'm very social and I really enjoy meeting new people, especially people that live far away. I'm open to conversations about anything and I want to be a 100% supporter for people seeking help in this community. My AIM is purplezebra159. I'm super excited =]
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like):

(2 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

wanting to stop [26 Mar 2009|05:38am]

[ mood | lonely ]

Application ---
1. Name: Kathine friends call me kat
2. Age: 20
3. Location: louisville, ky
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.):cutting
5. Top 5 favorite bands:flyleaf, ALANIS MORISSETTE, ALICIA KEYS, FIONA APPLE,P!nk
6. Drugs:done most of them but coke and weed are my favs.
7. Top 5 favorite movies:10 things i hate about you, daria (both movies) writscutters, shes all that, MILK
8. Top 5 favorite books: cut, anne sexton, any anne rice books, fingersmith,and many more
9. Will your promote this community?: yes
10. Are you good with making graphics?: no not at all
11. Favorite Song?: to many to say, bitch, all around me, much ike falling, like ull never see me again
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: a cry comdy...
13. Favorite Colors?:black in red
14. Tell us about your self: im 20 almost 21, im going to school to be a hairdress, im a bad speller and i'm a bisexual. i deel like i have a about 5 different people living in my head right now. with all there own names...me(katherine) feels like im going crazy and needs help but most over the others feel like we have this under raps. i have been cutting for 7 years try killing myself 4 times...just looking for the fulling happiness( the one that last more then 5 mins or so) i have 5 tattoos (another way to full the needs to cut for me) and 10 pricing...8 in the ears ans one in the lip and one in the belly. yeah so...cant think of anything else right now
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like):

pics of meCollapse )

(1 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

About me :) [14 Jan 2009|10:06pm]

[ mood | calm ]

1. Name: Michelle
2. Age: 22
3. Location: UK
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): Cutting
5. Top 5 favorite bands: Hmm not sure if i have that many lol. Erm Armand Van Helden, Justice, Daft Punk, Erol Alkan and Leona Lewis.
6. Drugs: Anti-depressants
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Party Monster, Happiness, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Crank and Now and Then.
8. Top 5 favorite books: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and Thirteen Reasons Why.
9. Will your promote this community?: Well I'm only just getting to grips with this place but I'll try.
10. Are you good with making graphics?: Not really.
11. Favorite Song?: The Calling - Could it be any harder.
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: Hmm, I've no idea!
13. Favorite Colors?: Indigo.
14. Tell us about your self: I'm 22, I'm engaged and have a 2 and a half year old son. I've been a cutter for the past 5 years. Only recently started getting help. I'm finding it quite hard but the counselling is great. That's it really.
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like):

(Make A Wish)

hello?.... [14 Jan 2009|03:00am]

is anyone on that can talk right now?

(Make A Wish)

[29 Apr 2008|06:02pm]


(Make A Wish)

[28 Apr 2008|01:00am]

[ mood | apathetic ]

Application ---
1. Name: Hannah
2. Age: 20
3. Location: Sheffield
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): depression, self-harm (fine little razor-blade cuts in pretty patterns, scratching until I break/bruise the skin, twisting injured joints, and pulling hair)
5. Top 5 favorite bands: The Subways, The Clash, Ash, The Sex Pistols, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Oasis
6. Drugs: weed, alcohol, Es
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Donnie Darko, The Butterfly Effect, V for Vendetta, Clerks, Dogma
8. Top 5 favorite books: Cell, The Bell Jar, A Million Little Pieces, Clockwork Orange, Silence of the Lambs
9. Will your promote this community?: I'll do my best, yeah
10. Are you good with making graphics?: Nope, suck at it
11. Favorite Song?: At the moment? "The Girl in the Dirty Shirt"-Oasis. Particularly the line "Cause to me it doesn't matter if you're hopes and dreams are shattered"
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: I want to be really deep and say something like Clockwork Orange...but it would be like Mallrats. >.>
13. Favorite Colors?: black, white, red, green
14. Tell us about your self: I'm...a smush, I decided yesterday. A two person soul stuck in a one person body. Like there is too much of it for my body to take, and so I get extreme mood swings, I am never really completely happy, I cannot FINISH things to save my life, and I have spent a months worth of money in a week. I'm quite fun though--like to party, like to talk, chat shit, you know...I tried to make a film once, it was entertaining as the cast (my best friend and my lil bros) got distracted by the icecream truck and ran off -___-;;;;
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like):

(Make A Wish)

Invitation to take part in an online research questionnaire [19 Feb 2008|12:17am]

Invitation to take part in an online research questionnaire

(Make A Wish)

hello [04 Feb 2008|12:17pm]


1. Name: Clara
2. Age: 18 years old.
3. Location: California.
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): cutting, bruising, eating disorder.
5. Top 5 favorite bands: Hmm, I don't know. Haha, I really like soft slow music with quirky voices? Does that count? I dunno, how about Damien Rice, Cat Power, Coldplay, Zero 7, Regina Spektor, Radiohead, the Pixies, well, you get the picture.
6. Drugs: booze and ciggys.
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Closer, Rushmore, Bottle Rocket, The Last Kiss, Garden State, So I Married an Axe Murderer, oh wait, thats 6... Well, I can't really pick 5 favorites... I like so many.
8. Top 5 favorite books: 9 Stories, Women, Stick Figure... I don't know, I have a lot of those too.
9. Will your promote this community?: mmhm.
10. Are you good with making graphics?: no, not really.
11. Favorite Song?: Goodness, I don't know.
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: Amelie.
13. Favorite Colors?: Brown, Green and Yellow.
14. Tell us about your self: I am pretty quiet and caring. I will talk to you about anything, and I will always be there for you. Hahaha, I don't know! I'm indecisive, and I make jokes.
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like): I have no idea how to do this part. haha. I am definatly not computer savvy.

(Make A Wish)

[19 Nov 2007|01:32pm]

I love you. But sometimes, I hate you, i'm scared of you, I want to hurt you, I want to kill you. I want to hurt myself, I want to kill myself. Why won't you see or acknowledge whats going on, what you're doing to me??? I can't take this much longer. One day you WILL find me dead, and it will be YOUR name written on the walls in MY BLOOD. Then, only then you'll see what you've done to me, how you've broken me.
You make me want to die.

(4 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

Well then. Not dead. Yet. [03 Nov 2007|08:41pm]

First off, thanks to those that commented on my puny post earlier.

Okay. So I'm still suicidal, but I'm trying to post-pone it.

Went over to his house today. The guy I'm seeing. Who booted me out on Tuesday. In fact, to play some catch up briefly he called me last night [Friday]. It was the night after he came to my work on Thursday and basically asked me why I haven't called him. Blah blah. Fast forward to Friday, last night. We talked for about 17-18min and I basically almost broke down crying when I finally couldn't keep my voice deadpan/numb/blank/etc. He told me that he didn't give me a dear jane letter, that he still wants to smack my ass (it's our/his way of saying he still likes me basically)/likes to touch me, etc. That I need to stop freaking out and that it's only my head toying with me.

But I've become accustomed to living with him and without him, I feel really fucking clueless and scared. I went to his apt briefly today after work and sat in a chair while he lay on the sofa. He was trying to cheer me up in his own way I guess.

I asked if he wanted his key back. He didn't/hasn't even brought it up and basically told me that he doesn't need it now and that I can keep it. Which relaxed me/put me at ease for a little bit. Any how. After I started to relax for a bit we joked and I ended up leaping over onto the sofa onto him where we had sex. Quick at that. I then started to feel bad all over again because now at this point I'm feeling like a booty call. I rest my head in his lap for a little bit afterwards until he has to go drop me off and pick up his kid(s).

He invited me to stay the night tomorrow night. But I want things to go back to how they were. Me spending all week long with him, going to a friends or parents on a weekend for 1-2 nights so he can have his kids time, then come back home with him on Sunday night for the work week.

I was telling God or whatever while my shift was winding down today...

cut for trigger words-thoughts-plansCollapse )

Yeah. I don't know what's wrong with me. And this new guy online that I've been trying to work up the courage to go out with--to his house? I chicken out every time. Because it's like in Sinead O'Connor's song "Nothing Compares To You":

"I could put my arms around every boy I see/but they'd only remind me of you"

... any guy I see, I see him.

I'm such a loser. This is why I steered clear from relationships so long. Because when I find something to love, to care for enough, I lose it.

Anyway. Instead of ending it tonight (have tomorrow night to look forward to, so my life will be safe for one more night), here's some pictures. I'm not sure if I'm done tonight.

10Collapse )

Ewll. MoiCollapse )

I haven't showered since Monday night. Oddly enough? I don't stink. Or I just don't care if I do or don't. That's how bad it is.


(Make A Wish)

newbie. [30 Oct 2007|04:29pm]

1. Name:anonymousdecay. i'd like to remain anon.

2. Age:20

3. Location:a place.

4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): big time cutter in the past. bipolar, OCD, trich.

5. Top 5 favorite books: invisible monsters, life of pi, the elegant universe, the shining, and of course-white oleander.

6. Favorite Song?:black eyed by placebo.

7. Tell us about your self: i need help. other than that, i'm a pretty average girl.

(3 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

Don'cha just love it when they leave you... [30 Oct 2007|08:54am]

....a note in the morning when you're getting ready for work and it's more or less of a break up note. He tells me "it is not over. But I need my time to be me."

Oh yeah. And I've made edited for self harm mentioningCollapse ) At least my boss was kind enough to reschedule me to work tomorrow, but I don't know if I'll make it that far. I took a few beers from his place before I left. It was all I could manage between my two duffel bags and the two dollar store worth bags. I feel like such a dirty little whore, worthless, and dead. I also took some pain meds from his place and I'm trying to wait to use them to sedate me later tonight. But yeah.

Here's more or less what his note told me: We're not over, I like you but I need time. I've been living so long for someone that I need to live for me. Do not get mad, but you've been here for a long time. I like you, don't get mad. Call me we're good friends, right? I will see you so call me, ok.

<-- that's the short version.

But I can't help but get upset. And it's really not at him as much as it is myself. I know rationally what he's been through, but why did this have to happen to me? He's my first and god. I feel so dumb. You know what? Screw God. Seriously. Send suicides to hell supposedly and you should know their pain. You're the one that fucking let it happen to them in the first place and if we can't change our fate, you're one screwed up mother fucker.

I'll see if I can make it through rest of this week without killing or seriously otherwise hurting myself further. But I doubt it. I really want to grab a Grey Hound ticket and just go, but I only have $275 and some odd change. I just started to work. But I have no where to call home anymore. I'm homeless.

What should I do?

[x-posted, sorry for spamming]

(Make A Wish)

Thinspiration [26 May 2007|12:33am]

[ mood | awake ]

1. Name: Amanda Jayne
2. Age:19
3. Location: Northwest, England
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): Branding, Cutting, Bulimia and Hair pulling
5. Top 5 favorite bands:30 seconds to mars,Fiona Apple, Smashing pumpkins, Jimmi Hendrix, Taking back sunday
6. Drugs: none
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Secretary, Rules of attraction, Sleepy hollow, Virgin suicides and girl, interrupted
8. Top 5 favorite books: Virgin suicides, thief of always, Wicked, Perks of being a wall flower, girl, interrupted
9. Will your promote this community?:
10. Are you good with making graphics?:indeed
11. Favorite Song?:Your Guardian Angel- Red jump suit apparatus
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: Girl, interrupted
13. Favorite Colors?: white and black
14. Tell us about your self: First year psychology degree student, dropped out to do art. Confused about life. Main goal for the moment is to loose a stone in 2 weeks

(Make A Wish)

Hello. I need some help!! [23 May 2007|05:44pm]

So some of you may have seen this already, but I would appreciate some help from the members.

I have a research project that I'm doing for school. My research proposal is to find a correlation between Eating Disorders/Negative Body Image and Self-injurious behavior. I've set up a website to get responses to keep your confidentiality.

So... if you are a very kind person and want to help... Please go to

1. You will find a consent form for you describing in more detail what its about. You can print it out for your records
2. You will then find the questionnaire.
3. So you dont have to email me the questions so I will not know who you are for confidentiality, you can post your answers on the "sign my guestbook"... you will have to post each question like this example:
Q1)answer Q2) answer Q3)answer Q4) answer.... and so on, because if you try to paste the whole questionnaire on there, it won't fit.
Thank you to the 25 of you or so that have done it already, I reallly REALLY appreciate it.
And of course the directions are on the website too.

(Make A Wish)

So. Let's talk some Hell and Suicide. [15 May 2007|04:02pm]

Hmm. I'm x-posting this to several places and I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to anyone, but I'm just curious as someone who has considered suicide a great deal of many times and have close loved ones that contemplate it as well and/or has done the "deed".

Uhh. I'm gonna place this behind a cut, just in case it might be viewed as a trigger? And if this isn't wanted or related, let me know and I'll delete the post. But to sum my rambling up I wanted to know people's opinions on the theory that we all go to Hell if we commit suicide.

Does your religion support this belief? (Or spiritual belief/personal belief). Why or why not?

More of my rambling about this in the cut:

Suicide Star Doomed?Collapse )

If this isn't clear, just comment and I'll try to clear this up.

And if your beliefs do/don't support the idea that suicides go to Hell, is this the reason for those of you who have/still do/know ppl/etc thought about suicide the thing that keeps you going or something else? Like, is it the fear of going to Hell that stops/has stopped you from going through with it? Something else?

Again. Hope this isn't viewed as offensive/off topic and I've placed enough of it behind a cut. If I need to put the whole thing behind a cut, let me know!


x-posted (sorry for clogging up f-lists)

(Make A Wish)

[02 Feb 2007|01:01am]

[ mood | tired ]

so i've been a self-harmer for the past five years now
and i've recently quit

so i've decided i need sort of tribute tattoos
on my inner forearms
something somewhat symbolic and meaningful.

anyone happen to have any ideas on what would be nice?
i would greatly appreciate any input anyone has. =)

(2 Made A Wish Make A Wish)

photography project: need volunteers/models [31 Jan 2007|11:39pm]

my name is sarah. i, myself, have been a cutter for about 7 years or so now. i suffer from depression and have suffered from eating disorders in the past.

that being said, i'll get to my point.

i am a photography major at point park university in pittsburgh, pa. i have a documentary class this semester. i want my big project to be on self-injury and the people behind the scars. my problem is, i need volunteers to be photographed. I am willing to travel, but it depends on how far. my goal is to photograph you in your environment (i.e. place of peacefulness, your school grounds, a place that triggers you, your home - although i completely understand how weird that may sound coming from a stranger on myspace).

if any body can help me out, i would greatly appreciate it.


ps, there are some pictures that i've taken in the blogs on my myspace. http://www.myspace.com/photohippie  if you want to check it out to see that i am legit, they are there. keep in mind, though, that the pictures i plan to take will not be in a "senior portrait" style (like the portraits that are on there), rather a documentarian style. just think photojournalism meets art.

(Make A Wish)

i hate this [29 Nov 2006|12:48am]

[ mood | self-loathing ]

I feel like a shit. there is this nice guy who has been after me for a while, and as of right now i dated him, broke up with him, got back together with him, and now just wanna break up with him. When i first decided to go out with him i thought i liked him, then realized i didn't, simple... but then i missed talking to him and whatnot so i went out with him again... no i realize that i didn't like him again... i feel like a fucking idiot and it makes me hate myself that i'm going to break this guys heart, but this is driving me crazy... Just as my last cuts are starting to fade away i want to feel it again.. You always miss the things you don't have, Right?

(Make A Wish)

new [23 Oct 2006|04:46pm]

[ mood | bored ]

1. Name: Belinda
2. Age: 17
3. Location: United States
4. Your Affliction(or past affliction)(cutting, eating disorder, ect.): Functional alcoholic born/raised
5. Top 5 favorite bands: Sixpence, Emilie Autumn, HIM, Cradle of Filth, LaRue
6. Drugs: none
7. Top 5 favorite movies: Lolita(Kubrick & Lyons versions), My First Mister, Eyes Wide Shut, Dances with Wolves
8. Top 5 favorite books: Lolita, Wicked, Dolores Claiborne, The vampire Armand, Pandora
9. Will your promote this community?: Sure.
10. Are you good with making graphics?: Nope.
11. Favorite Song?: I don't know.
12. If your life was a movie, what film would it be most like?: I don't know.
13. Favorite Colors?: pale pink
14. Tell us about your self: Look at my userinfo
15. Pictures of yourself (no limit, post as many as you would like):

Look at meCollapse )

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