I'd like to pour my heart out.

I run away from those who actually care, into the arms of those that treat me badly
I wish I could get over my mistakes and go back to the person i used to be and the people that actually care
I really care about this boy, but i left him for a fling, and because I was unstable and believed that i couldnt
do anything for him. I made so many mistakes with him.
I truly miss everything about him, his honesty, his innocence, his independance, and his love.
He was everything that i needed, although he wasnt good in the aspects of understanding what i truly was going through
but he was always there for me to talk to.
He cared about me, so why did i really just get up and leave
Im in a relationship with someone that doesnt care
and im trying to free myself.
he doesnt treat me properly.
he doesnt deserve to have and hold me
I miss all the things i had
I want to have a do-over and go back to the pure love i once held...
I wish it was easier to do.
Im in love, but what can i do to really make him realize that.
I think he doesnt care anymore and I wouldnt blame him.

Someone that understand please give me a little advice i really need it!

him and me

I crave for your touch
i am the only one that know how you truly are
we are secretly together
and the suspense keeps me going
i want to be with you forever
i know there will be alot of hurt people
when they find out about us
they arent the people that matter in this we are
you and me
I will take you away from the problems you face
i love you
you love me
thats all that matters
no matter what happens if we become friends or stay lovers
i need you in my life
everything you are matters to me
i never want you to leave
im going to be afraidof loosing you
you mean to much
it hurts and kills not too see you
i love everything about you
your touch
your scent
your smile
your attitude =]
the fact you want to understand everything
the fact you hold me close when everything falls
apart and tell me that everything is going to be okay
i want to be there for you forever and alway

Secret lover of mine i miss you.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared

Beautiful Bruises.

I yearn for your touch now, more than ever
I crave the sight of you
I'm not ready to end this endeavor
I love how you leave me bruised.

how wondrous it feels to be marked by you
the beautiful colours on my skin
blending together, purple, yellow, blue
draw feelings of awe from within.

your hard and delicate touch
on my shoulder, my thighs, my mind
I long for those bruises so much
of your enchantment they remind.

I'll never again have the delight
of seeing your irreplaceable face
your mouth so cruel and your eyes so bright
no one can replace.

these beautiful bruises fading
but never the memory of you,
though it was you who was betraying
I thirst for nobody new.


(no subject)

I still love you with every bone in my body.
Not a day goes by when I dont think of you and almost lose it.
It's been so long and I'm so happy these days.
I wish you could see that and how much I've changed.
We could be perfect, but I was so fucked back then.
You and I would be insane together.
I would do everything I refused to before.
Why couldnt I have been this person when we were together?
If you fell in love with me now, you'd never leave again.
I'm exactly what you wanted way too late.

(no subject)

Dear J,

My caliente, creative, funny, confusing J.  You frustrate me because I like you so much and you're hot and cold and you have so many opportunities to make me part of your world and you don't.

I want to be part of your world.  I want to dance and mingle and fall for you while you spin the records or whatever it is you do up there.  I know that the next time I'm at a social event with you I'll be high again.  I don't know how you feel about that.  All I know is that it's my only option.  The people I'm going with are going to be high.

But I'd rather be hanging out with you.  I'd rather you come visit me with my friends and drag me off by the hand and hang out with me and kiss me on the patio.  I'd rather you not leave early.  I'd like to be staring up at you, into your eyes while you tease me because I'm still naked.  I want to turn up the bass in your car so much that my clothes fall off.

I want this one to stick, at least for a little while.  I want to be with you and not tell anyone at work.  Not because I don't want them to know, just because I want to be part of your world and your world isn't at work.  Right now, that's where my world is.  I want out of my world.

Come take me away to somewhere where there is only the two of  us.

Neko chomps

Music Classs...

I have a boyfriend but from the moment he told me "i thnk you cool" and looked at me with those hypnotizing eyes, it was all over for me. He became my obssesion, my desire occupying every thought, daydream and fantasy. He became my muse. I have never meet anyone like him; so open to new things and a burning desire to live life that somehow radiated off of him and engulfed me in everyway. That is why I know I will not ever be the same. My life is changed and I dont know it that is a good or bad thing.

I appreciate meeting him, but now i need him. I want him to want me as much as I want him! I want him to love me! I want him to miss me when I'm not around and think I'm special! is that so wrong?? It is isn't it. I love my boyfriend, but does he complete me as much as I thought he once did. Is he all I wanted? I can't say that I know the answer to these questions. But that I want my music class crush more than I ever wanted anything and just thinking about him makes me stop breathing, is something I need to deal with.

How do I get over this? I know he does not want me as much as I do because he could find a girl in a second. So it is me that has to face reality and get over it. Help me ........ advice can anyone relate??
  • Current Mood
    confused confused
american idol, bigbngradio, angela peel, big bang radio

My love is not so sercret anymore.....

......and lemme just say that the cat crawling outta that bag has made life TEN times worse than it ever was before. revealing my love changed nothing and now it hurts more to still have no control over being in love with someone that does not and will not ever feel the same way. not to mention he's one of my closest friends that i see ALL THE TIME. what luck. anyone out there with a secret love, DIE with that secret. that's my bloody hearted take on it.

anyways, just trying to stay busy (you know how they say that helps) so i'm promoting my band and hopefully we can get huge and get signed and get a grammy. maybe that may mend my broken heart and make the breaker of wish he never rejected me in the first place when i blow up.

check us out.

  • Current Music
    led zeppelin dyer maker