Random Quotes From Real Life

"This is serious. Honesty box serious."

 me:  i saw a cute cap today...that i wanted
evie: a cute what?
me: cap
evie: i thought u said a cute cop...that u wanted.  i was like, he must've been real cute.

Me: Your Mom!
My Brother: Ummm...it's your mom too.
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Friend: What?!? you were cheating?
Me: No, I was just utilizing my resources.
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Me: And then I saw two twins walking down the street.
Friend: The term "twins' usually implies two, you don't have to say it.
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Weird guy in homeroom: I'm so hungry.
Teacher: bring a snack.
Guy: What's a snack?
Me: Are you serious?
Guy: Yes, what is a snack? Hurry up, I'm hungry.
Me: Does being hungry prevent you from knowing what a snack is?
Guy: No, I guess not...
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**I run into a stop sign**
Friend: Ummm...those signs imply for you to stop.
Me: thanks for the support.

 

me: i have (clap randomly during a song) my aunt: u have the clap?! u've only been in college 2 wks! i didn't get that until my jr. yr.!

evie: we slept till 10 every day this wk...me: well, we had to get up ten! hello! gilmore girls!

 during Red-Alarm Drill

student: What are we supposed to do if there ever actuall is a guy with a gun or a knife?
teacher: See that cup of scissors right there?  There's one for each of you? Me? I'm gonna get the heck out of here.

Teacher, about a student writing a note: I will rip that up and make you eat it!

"Come on guys, think. Imagine that you're Stalin with your mustache and your paranoia and your little glass of vodka. When you're not sending your own people to the gulag, what are you concerned with?"

- History Professor discussing the Conference at Tehran

LOL! so yeah I love funny quotes. 

So here goes one I heard from my dad yesterday. I hope its funny for you guys!

"Listen to the children. They are our future. The have a lot of wonderful things to say!
Kid: (screaming) WAAAAAHH!!!! GIVE ME BACK MY TOY!!!!!
Mom: SHUT UP!!!! AND GO TO YOUR BEDROOM!!!!!"

I dont think its exaclty a quote, my dad said it just like that, and I wrote it down.

*during the lockdown drill* (In case someone comes to the school shoting everybody)
Mr. Freudenburg: Now if Someone manages to get through the doors, I have a bunch of compasses right over there you can attack them with.
Bret: Wait??? You want us to do Math???....

 

Band Director: Drummers!! What are you doing?
Drummers: Nothing. All the parts are covered. We have nothing to do in this song.
Director: Well find something to hit! Anything to hit!!..... no no. I said something...not someone.

 

Kerry: Didn't [Sylvia Plath] commit suicide by sticking her head in her oven while baking a cake? See, that's just not good....