Willow: And over here, we have the cafeteria, where we were mauled by snakes.
Xander: And this is the spot where Angel tried to kill Willow.
Willow: Oh, and over there in the lounge is where Spike and his gang nearly massacred us all on Parent-Teacher night. Oh, and up those stairs, I was sucked into a muddy grave.
Xander: And they say young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but, um, I've learned to be afraid.
Jill: Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy! So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write that down, then subtract 20 from that number and weigh that!
** sorry I took that little break... I'm moving rooms and haven't had time to post a quote for a while **
Lorelai: I'm sorry, are you drunk?
Luke: I am not drunk. I do not get drunk. I had some beer. Beers. More than one. A few. And then I came here and I climbed your tree.
Lorelai: Well, good thinking.
Luke: And then I fell out of your tree.
Lorelai: Hmm. Sit down.
Luke: I landed flat on my back. I felt like Kirk.
Michael: It’s just math.
Sucre: What if your math is wrong?
Michael: You’ll drill into one of a dozen gas lines behind the wall. There’ll be an explosion and we’ll be burned alive.
Sucre: But you’re good at math, right?
Barney: [To Ted] Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession!
Marshall: Do you really think that’s true?
Barney: Oh yeah, I bet even Cro-Magnons used to give cave hookers an extra fish for putting out.
Marshall: Ah ha! So the oldest profession would be fishermen! Kaboom!
Barbara Covett: People like Sheba think they know what it is to be lonely. But of the drip, drip of the long-haul, no-end-in-sight solitude, they know nothing. What it's like to construct an entire weekend around a visit to the launderette. Or to be so chronically untouched that the accidental brush of a bus conductor's hand sends a jolt of longing straight to your groin. Of this, Sheba and her like have no clue.
Samantha: I'm so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—
[A child runs by]
Samantha: Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, NOT double strollers.
[Glances at Miranda]
Samantha: I'm sorry.
Miranda: Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her eight-dollar cake!
Charlotte: You're not going to defend children?
Miranda: No, I don't like any children but my own!
Sara: Here’s what I think. I think you are scared and you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared in a place like this.
Michael: When I was young, I couldn’t sleep at night because I thought there was a monster in the closet. But my brother told me there wasn’t anything in the closet but fear. And fear wasn’t real. He said it wasn’t made of anything just…air. Not even that. He said you just have to face it. You just have to open that closet and the monster would disappear.
Sara: Brother sounds like a smart man.
Michael: He is. In here though, you face your fear, you open that door and there’s a hundred more doors behind it. And the monsters that are hiding behind them are all real.
Giles: Grave-robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I know you meant to say "gross and disturbing".
Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh... terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it.
Peter: This is absurd. It's just a dog.
J.M. Barrie: Just a dog? *Just*?
[to Porthos, the dog]
J.M. Barrie: Porthos, don't listen!
J.M. Barrie: Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's *just* a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word! That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's *just* a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's *just* a rock." Just...