they called me the door to eden (fey_seraph) wrote in _psychmedfree_,
they called me the door to eden
fey_seraph
_psychmedfree_

anyone around?

I went off of Remeron 30 mg five days ago. Also started a new f/t job and have several other projects going. the withdrawal from remeron occurred 1 day after quitting and lasted about 8 hrs. It was mainly intense agitation and physical discomfort.

I am posting because I feel pretty empty and desperate. I quit the Remeron because I ran out but after I went thru the withdrawal I didn't want to go back on, mainly because I didn't ever want to go through withdrawal again and I had also read online other ppl's experiences with Rem and they were having a lot of trouble quitting after havign been on for years or were not able to quit. I was on for 3 months.

It was also causing weight gain which is not a huge deal but I was worried about it and about not understanding its full effects. I liked the antidepressant qualities it had. I didn't feel spaced out, not myself, or any other negative effect. But I know doctors and researchers don't even know fully what a med does after you take it for years. It could be doing just about anything to your brain. I was on SSRIs before the black box warning came out and experienced impulsive suicidal ideation on them among a host of other serious problems (and no benefits). So I am wondering how I will "pay" for the happiness I get from Remeron. If the withdrawal is my payment, then we're square, I figured. I expected to be okay.

My mother was horrified and enraged that I had gone off my medication, as If I was some kind of out of control psychopath that would be a danger to society and myself if not medicated. That has been preoccupying me (her reaction) for days.

But at this point I am thinking of going back on or something because I feel suicidal, not that I actually am going to kill myself but that I feel so hopeless today that...well I don't like to go into it.

I dunno I just need support, and maybe to find out what Rem has been like long term for people. I really like it, but I'm scared. Bye.
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