March 31st, 2008

TOP TEN LAME ASS EXCUSES WRITERS WILL GIVE FOR BRINGING SARA BACK

(Must be read outloud in a snarky David Letterman-type tone):

10.)"Night of The Living Dead" was always Michael Scofield's favourite movie.

9.) "Hi, Dr. Frankenstein? My name's Michael Scofield... hear you've had some great success with dead people?"

8.)Michael runs into the boys from "Supernatural" and they tell him all about the Crossroads Demon. When Dean and Michael die in a year's time, Sara lives happily ever after with Sam as yuppy doctor-lawyer couple with a Volvo.

7.)Dr. Jack Shepard is really the head of the evil company. He gets back to his Island, with the help of Whistler's coordinates after leaving it as one of the Oceanic 6. Michael follows them there and learns that no one really dies if they are on the island He brings Sara's body there and she comes back to life, but has no head. Michael kills Sun, cuts her head off, pops it on Sara's body and exclaims, "I always had a thing for Asian Chicks."

6.)Season 3 was a dream... Sara's just in the shower and she's fine, thanks.

5.)The people from New Line Cinema called. They wanted their ending for "Se7en" back or they were gonna sue Santora's ass!

4.)There was no head in the box. It was a puppy. Lincoln was just having an LSD flashback.

3.)They sewed Saras head back on to Luke McFarlane's body--everybody's happy!

2.)Michael moves to Sleepy Hollow where Sara learns to ride a horse

And the number one lame ass excuse the writers will give for bringing Sara back:

1.) Lincoln will explain in the season premiere: "What? You thought I said, 'She's dead, Michael"? NO! I said, 'Does she give good head Michael?'!!!"
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