February 19th, 2007

Pathfinder

“She’s a keeper!”

By Kristin Bailey Murphy It happens to most men sooner or later: He’s dating someone, things are going well, then... wham! The woman does something small and seemingly inconsequential that makes him fall for her, hard. What, you may be asking yourself, is that special element that changes his thinking from “She’s fun” to “She’s The One?” Well, it turns out men are more than happy to walk down memory lane and reveal those pivotal moments—and Catherine Cardinal, Ph.D., dating expert and author of The Cure for the Common Life, explains what women everywhere can learn from their stories!

“She got my weird sense of humor”
The case history: “Not long after we’d begun dating, Anneli unexpectedly showed up on the set of a short film I was making. The scene we were shooting was… how can I put it? A little bit crude. I’ve dated girls that have been kind of uptight about stuff I think is hysterical, so after the scene was over I didn’t know what to expect. I was relieved — and kind of surprised — to see that it made her laugh. In fact, she was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down her face and she could barely breathe. That’s when I knew I had a good one. Two months later I proposed.”
—Matt Ballard, 35, New York, NY; married to Anneli for two years

Love lesson learned: A shared sense of humor is essential
Let’s face it: No matter how much you love someone, your life together will get dull if you can’t laugh your way through it. “Choosing someone who is not rigid and who can let go with a good belly laugh, especially over the same things you find funny, is a win-win situation,” says Dr. Cardinal. “It ensures you’ll have an animated, lively life.” And how great is it to know your mate finds you fun and entertaining? In other words, she gets you!

“She challenged me to do the right thing”
The case history: “I knew Marianne was The One when she encouraged me to work through a tough situation I was having with a co-worker. She allowed me to vent but also challenged me to see things from another perspective and not take the easy way out and ignore the situation, which was my impulse. Because of her influence, I was able to approach my co-worker and get a better understanding of where he was coming from. After that I knew Marianne would never be someone who walked behind me, but someone who would always stand next to me.”
—Ken Kish, 33, San Clemente, CA; married to Marianne for six years

Love lesson learned: Disagreements can help you grow closer
It’s easy to unconditionally support someone’s every decision. Challenge your date to live up to certain standards, though, and you’ll gain even more points by showing you’ve got a backbone—and that he or she will become a better person as a result. “Anyone who encourages you to face a challenge is more likely to be a consistent, predictable partner—and one who realizes that unless you grow, you both get held back,” says Dr. Cardinal.

“She allows me to pursue my passion, even though it takes time away from her”
The case history: “I knew Marnie was a cool girl when she never gave me grief about being a surfer. That was a big deal because my previous girlfriend was always mad when I went surfing instead of spending every nanosecond with her. The clincher? Once, Marnie drove eight hours with me from Atlanta to Florida just so I could get in the water. After that, how could I not fall for her? Even now, she’s still OK with me taking off to the beach every weekend. She lets me do my thing because she knows it keeps me centered and happy. I don’t know many guys — or any surfers — that get away with that!”
—Dirk Aulabaugh, 36, Los Angeles, CA; married to Marnie for ten years

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Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

YAY

I cannot believe it! I posted well over six months ago, and I don't know if any of you will remember. My boyfriend payed for my plane ticket to visit, and it would have been our first meeting after 4 years of knowing eachother, but I was sectioned and therefore not allowed to travel. He hardly got any of the money back, and what he did get back we accidentally spent on phone calls... you know how hard it is to say goodbye. Anyway, since then I've been taken off my section and I'm out of hospital, but unable to work or study because of my illness, so  I'm entitled to benefits. The people paying them have taken forever to get the money to me, I'm still owed the money I was meant to get during my admission, but today the disability money was put into my account, backpayed from October, and it's over £1500!!! We were really struggling of thinking of ways to raise money, and we didn't know how we were going to manage. Now, all he needs to do is sort out his passport!!!!!!! This is exciting, but I'm trying not to go over the top because from last time I defiantely know how it can go wrong. If is rather spiffing though, don't you think?
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