January 22nd, 2007

Girl to Change

What would you do?

This is my story and I need some unbiased advice from those who don't know me or him.

So this is regarding an ongoing relationship. My name is Kim and his is Mike. We are inlove and we've never met. We met ages ago in 1998 (yes 1998) online. A random ICQ message and it lead to us talking everyday. I went to college, he went to college, I was in relationships, he was in relatinship. We both moved on to jobs and different lives but we always found the time to talk. We'd have marathon conversations where it was talking from morning till night. He lives in Ireland. I live in America. So there's been a nice time difference between us but we always managed to talk to each other. We talk on the phone for hours about nothing and everything and blah blah you get the drift. We weren't always a "couple" but a couple of years back we admitted to each other that we loved each other. Here's the thing. We've never met. Not a once. Here's the other thing. I've never sent him a proper photo of myself. Here's the other thing. I sent him a fake photo. Here's one more thing. I got very overweight. So to sum that up for you.
Never Met
Sent him a fake photo
Got Very Fat
Well I started losing weight and have lost quite a bit. I still have a fair way to go but I look a lot better. Now he says he loves me and I know I love him and we're set to meet in May. We keep having these fights about photos because he wants to see an updated photo. He knew about the weightloss and he wants to see me now. The fake photos I sent were of a nice skinny girl and so he's just imagined that nice skinny girl got fat. Well anyway I don't know what to do. I know I have to come clean, obviously but the fact that we're long distance and I can't ya know see what his face looks like when I tell him then I don't wanna just drop it on him. I dont wanna just leave a voicemail for him though thats very tempting and I just can't imagine the conversation we'll have once I tell him. I once asked him what he'd do if I did that and he said he'd probably walk away from me because he hates lying. I said "really?" He said "well I dunno. I can't imagine leaving you but that's a hard thing to get over" So I have that hanging over my head. Additionally he thinks Drew Barrymore is fat. Drew Barrymore! So thats always been in my mind. I've been lying to him for a long time. I want to send him photos but I've still got about 40 pounds to lose before I'm happy with how I look. We're meeting in May which gives me more than enough time to lose the weight but we keep having the photo fight every week. So I guess I'm just feeling the need to tell one person or well an entire community on LJ my story. I've not even told my friends because they'd think (as I'm sure most of you all do) I'm nuts. So the thing is do I just put up with the fights until I'm ready to send him a photo or just call him up one day and drop the bomb? or just wake him up one day with a long email explaining the situation along with the photos? I really wish I hadn't done this but this is the situation I made and now I don't know how to get out of it.

Help with some advice if you can.