December 30th, 2006


Heels over head

I felt the need to see if something like this community existed and was glad to find it. I joined it instantly and felt that even though what i'm dealing with, intending to do, and feeling is absolutely crazy, I figured it's always better to vent to people, even if you don't know who they are.

Hello, my names Brandeana and i'm turning 18 in two months. I've always intended to move, but never to California. It's so far away from the little state of Delaware when I live now and grew up. Maybe New Hampshire or Rhode Island. I hate the cold but, they sell a lot of winter clothes there, right? Sure! Still, at this current moment in my life, every piece of me is pleading to just get up and go to California.

See, this may sound weird. Though, most of us these days regularly check our myspaces and have gotten friends out of it, this is only a small piece of the story. I play World of Warcraft. Most people know what it is, but to those who don't it's a MMO (Massive Multiplayer Online) game. People from around the world, anywhere, log in and play, raid and stuff. If you play, you know what it means to be alliance and to be horde of not, they're mortal enemies. Still, somehow I (being alliance) ended up hanging around with a troll (horde). We just did it for fun, to mess with peoples heads. There is no communication between them due to the way the game is made but through the games public forums and then myspace, we'd chat on AIM and just laugh about everything.

Things got more casual. Hi, my name is Brandeana and Hi, i'm Kyle. It still wasn't anything more that just messing around in the game and making people angry. Still, we had our moments where we talked about issues we were facing and just other things we'd need to get off of our chests. With time, I don't even know how much time passed, we joked about me going to visit and staying for awhile. Then we joked about being serious about it until finally, we realized it wasn't a joke.

We both wondered what the hell was going on. Some random person from some random nerdy game? No way. How could I fall for someone when all I know of them is how they sound, how they look and how they are from the endless talks we had each night.

His hamster was sick on christmas eve, I told him he could call me. Seven hours... I was never expecting to trip over and fall like this and either was he. Now we sit here and grasp onto a single four letter word: Soon. Soon i'll be there, soon we wont cling onto empty air in hopes to find something there, we'll be able to find the realism in the situation once we realize that the other is truly there, standing right in front of our faces.

Within two months, I could leave everything i've known for someone I barely know but feel so completely drawn to that i've never given it a second thought. Save what I can, and then approach my father. My family bonds aren't strong and with support or not, i'll be gone. It's absolutely crazy, but when both of us are just sitting here, wondering when, we'd rather do the most insane thing anyone we've ever known to do than just let this connection fade away.

As I sit here and figure out college and money and all of that, he sits in California wondering about housing and getting the money to fund plane tickets, perhaps roundtrip tickets if I do not stay first visit. It's... heh, it's crazy.

Sure sure, i'm young. I know, but i'm going to let myself live. I want to take this chance. We both believe it could be something beautiful and are completely willing to take the chance.

One night we spoke of many things. I end on what I explained to him.

I view the world like a large web of red strings. Perhaps any color, really, but I invision them red. On these strings there is nothing, but they are tied to a finger. Each of us has a string tied to our finger. Somewhere our string ends, and the end of the string holds that one we'd match perfectly with. Still, the world is full of chaos and everyones strings are tangled up. You meet friends as your strings slide passed and your passed relationships are those knots you needed to untie to continue on. Still, you always have this string pulling you ever so slightly into the direction you need to go to find them. I'll never say no to something my whole being wants to do because one day I want to feel that my string isn't being pulled on and that i've found where I was always meant to be.
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