September 14th, 2006

OMG!

(no subject)

I can't believe how hard I just cried.

Almost 2 months later, and I'm just letting myself relize he isn't here anymore.

I keep thinking about the last time we got to hug and kiss one another, at the airport, infront of the gate. I can remember how it felt, and how I felt so awkward holding him so close infront of my mom and the airport security (though I assumed they'd understand, as they've probably seen similar instances before). I can remember how bad it hurt when I knew I couldn't cross the line and touch him again. I cried so hard, and he told me he was trying so hard not to. I can't believe it didn't set in sooner.

Quite frankly, I didn't let it set in sooner because I knew how awful this would feel. I told myself all the positives, that we'd talk every day (we do) and that it was a wonderful trip (it was) but I never let myself realize WHY I was thinking these things - because he wasn't there.

I can only wait now for these months to pass. Eight more to go.

Wish me luck, please? Right now I feel like I need it