March 26th, 2006


(no subject)

summer plansssssss

It's all coming together now. In three months, my boyfriend will be in my arms and I am estatic. I know a lot of you have met your SO by now, but how long did your first meet last? Mine is going to last two months, quite probably. Is this too risky? I don't care.

I've been getting a lot of "what if you don't like each other...?" lately. It's come from three people so far, and some of them are supporters of my relationship. Even Matt and I have had this horrifying discussion. We ended up in tears.

It doesn't matter. It will hurt, but he's my best friend. Even if I'm unable to give him the most romantic experience of his life, I'll make it worth it. Dear god, I hope he likes me the way I know i'll like him. Is this crazy? I don't think I care...

It's just getting so scary, as it's coming up so soon. In 90 days, I'll be tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep or get up, about to meet my boyfriend. I'll be driven to the airport, and having to have my mother pull over about 70 times because I'm going to feel ready to vomit. I'm going to doubt myself, and think he'll hate me the second he sees me. I'm going to get to the airport, and wait by the gate. I'm going to stand still for possibly hours and I'm going to want to cry. I'm going to stare at the terminal and wait for him to emerge. I'm going to get butterflies when I see him, and I'll feel dizzy and faint. I'll watch him as he walks to me, and probably walk to him with no recollection of moving later on. We'll say hi, slowly and quietly, and then we'll hug nervously.

I've figured it out this far, but my head doesn't play it anymore. It's like a tape that stops right there; right when it's about to get good. What will the car ride home be like? What will it be like at home? Will we kiss the first day? Will it be scary?

This will scare me more than anything ever has; is it weird to want to be scared?

This summer we will (or, I hope we will):

-watch fireworks
-kiss goodnight
-go on a cruise on Boston harbor, than out to eat at a fancy restaurant
-kiss in the rain
-watch all the movies we ever talk about
-go to Salem
-go to Concord
-go to Cape Cod
-go on datessssss

bah, this is amazing guys. SOOO amazing.
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