March 4th, 2006

*sighs*

I miss my baby sooo very very very much!!!
Yeah, I really really do. it drives me crazy cuz we cant see each other and things. I know I just have to be patient until April 14 or something like that. And its not that far away but gosh. it's maddening. Seems like everyone and their mother gets to see him except me. :( Life isnt fair. LIFE FUCKIN SUCKS. Then, to make things even better, his schedule next week is jacked up. He works from 2 pm to 10 pm. No talking to him seems like. Sure its like 9 here right. We could at least talk a couple hours and then on his days off too. But it's just not enough. And we talked about it last night, and remembering the past was not the greatest idea in the world. Because of something that I did, i'm worried to death that he will do the same thing. He said he wouldnt dream about doing something like that to me. And I trust him, but what if it just happens you know? My mind wonders and gets filled with "what if questions". And it makes me all the more scared. I shouldnt be scared though, after all, did he not give me a promise ring? He loves me soo much. I just hate the way my mind make me feel sick to my stomach. Makes me think more and more that it will happen or has the possibility of happening. And then, wow. I cry. And cry. I just cant stand the possibility of my sweetie possibly finding someone else and doing the impossible. It hurts. I just cant seem to get it out of my mind. The mistake I've made in the past has come back to haunt me. And it has always haunted me every night when I go to sleep. It worries me to death about...the end. The end of my and my love. I've never been so inlove with someone before. Let alone trusted someone so much. Been so comfortable around someone. *sighs* Distance sucks and I fuckin hate it. If it was a person I'd kill it over and over again. 

*screams*

  • Current Music
    D4L- Laughy Taffy

The Ocean Should Die

I have a personal vendetta against the Atlantic ocean and the entire east coast for just existing and keeping Nick and I apart.

And I also hate the people who call themselves my friends. It feels like they just want to bring me down.

They tell me things like, "He's probably cheating on you", "He doesn't love you because it's not a real relationship", and "God, get a real boyfriend."

It just tears my heart apart to know that I'm so happy and nobody cares.

I turn 18 in 1 month and 11 days.

And I can't wait to see him.
  • Current Music
    Every Time We Touch, Cascada