December 26th, 2005

(no subject)

He loves me. He loves me. I know he loves me. I just need to stop being so fucking insecure.

I mean, if he didn't love me, if he didn't care as much as he says he does, he wouldn't have sent me opals for Christmas. I'm not materialistic, but damn. You don't just send good jewelry to girls you only ever met on the Internet unless you really *feel* something, right?

I tried calling him twice today to wish him a Merry Christmas... and maybe just to hear his voice again, whatever. I couldn't get through, and now I'm agitated. I'm addicted. I need my fix. I'm such a moron.

Ever heard that song by Garbage? "Why Do You Love Me???" That's, like, my fucking anthem right now.

I need to get real.

My ex-boyfriend called today. He's wanting to get together and catch up on the 8th of January, when he comes back to town. And I'm all like, "Well, I'll see you the first day of class, which is the 9th." I get the feeling he's wanting to rekindle what we had. Whatever, dude. Not happening. No, I'm not officially in a relationship with my online friend because I'd really like to meet him first (to give him a chance to change his mind, you know), but I consider myself very much reserved. He sent me opals, for cryin' out loud. That's like making a deposit, I'm hell-bent on honoring what we almost have. End of story.

And I've been daydreaming names for our future children. I like "Andrew" and "Esperanza."

Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas!
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