September 19th, 2005

wrong

No More Thoughts Of Break-Up

For those that read my journal kewl_n_krayzie, ya know how things haven't been that great with Dave. I honestly debated breaking it off with him until all was said and done. But a year or more without him (even if it is long distance) -- would've been the worst mistake ever. Sure things are rough and definitely not like any other LDR I know of but the love is there and it's strong as hell.

Dave and I did talk (I managed not to cry so I could say what I needed to say) and he now knows of my previous thoughts (going back and forth on it) of breaking up with him. I honestly thought it might be better for him, one less (dramatic from time to time) person to deal with. But he never lets me forget how much he loves, misses and needs me, nor will he ever let me forget how good I am to him. I can't imagine how he feels going through all this, or what goes on in his mind ... but one thing I can tell you for sure, is I'll be there every step of the way, through thick and thin (more thick than thin apparently), comforting and supporting him through the process. As soon as Kate's completely outta the picture for the most part (can't be completely since she's Ben's mother), Dave and I can finally ... FINALLY go on about our lives and make solid plans and take steps in those plans for our future.

I never thought things would be easy -- at least I knew that much. However, I did think (a bit naive of me) that I'd be fine throughout this entire process. I was wrong. I know (and Dave knows) I need him and if talking is all we can do to cope and make our way through this, then I'm going to make more of an effort and try to talk to him (mostly after a crying fit or two). Nothing worth a damn in life is easy ... that much I do know. A friend online asked me if I thought that for all the hurt and pain I feel now would be worth it in the end. There is no doubt in my mind that a life with Dave would be well worth all this. It would be easier if he could get back online that way he can read my journal or be on MSN when we're on the phone so when I can't say something ... I'll be able to IM him. LoL But I do believe it's a good thing that there's no internet for some reasons. Mostly because I'm forced to talk and I can't really let things slide for long. Even though he can't see me on camera and know when something is wrong, he's getting too good at picking it up through conversation (or lack thereof).

One day at a time. With each passing day we're one day closer to putting all the crap we are going through behind us and having a beautiful life together.

xposted _online_love_, distant_hearts, ldr_support, loversfaraway, onlinereallove, onlineromance
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