August 15th, 2005

may sound silly - but o well

Idk .. as i sit and think about things from my past and thing that r going on now.... I cant help but think am i going in the right direction?


( ive been thinking alot about his section) Lets just say that he ( meaning roland ) comes here and u know we spend time together and stuff and he ends up proposing to me.( now he's not comming here till nxt year so ill be 18 . )
And i say yes- what will happen?, i think me whole life would change,
Would i go to college here?, would i not go to collage at all?, would I move to belgium, and go to college there, or move there and not go to college?
will i say no- and be unhappy and go to college and prob never talk to or see him again?

I have so many options- I know i should not plan this far ahead, but im just saying what if . I ve been thinking about this for about 2 or 3 weeks, and i cant come to a conclusion about things.

I know in my heart that I love him and that even though im in hight school yet-.... and i really havent met any of the other " fish in the sea" .. but i dont want to fine any other fish except the one i have now.
I think that sums it up.

but maybe im thinking to ahead... maybe.... this love will blow over... who know what my future holds except God.

Is this my destiny? was i ment to mean this person and fall for him ?

OOOO... ( back to the past , but not really) was i ment to meet cam ? is cam my soul mate or was that my mind playing tricks on me? is my mind now playing tricks on me>?


HOW DO I KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE???????????????


Well whatever i guess ... I guess ill just keep thinking?


o, question to people- how do u ask for a promise ring and/or how do u know if your ready for a promise ring?
  • Current Mood
    okay okay

Last first day

So today was the first day back. But it was different. Different because I am a senior; but enough about that, on to what I really wanna talk about.  How it was different this time going to school and having Cliff. I was just so anxious to come home. I wanted to talk to him so badly. I was thinking about him all day long. I knew that once I was home, I would get to talk to him and that’s what made me keep working in my classes. But even at that, I kept thinking about him. I was looking at the clock wondering when I can leave this school and go home to talk to Cliff. Once he is here, we can go out on my 4th period on blue days because I have an out. YES! Oh and people kept asking me about his ring on my necklace. I was all telling them about it, who gave it to me and everything. And they were impressed. My sweetheart is so wonderful. I love him so much!

 

That’s it for now.

 

*~*Cliff and Joanna Always n’ Forever*~*

  • Current Music
    CD Cliff sent me with lovey songs on it. :D

(no subject)

im not really sure y i keep thinking about the same things... is it because i think im dreaming? he doesnt really love me?


I cant stop thinking about when he said love u and... I keep thinking about...

I just want to be with him - i have this funny feeling inside, u know.. is a feeling thats not normal and i not sure what it is. i can feel it everywere; in my body not just in my mind.


when i first said i love u ... i felt it... now when he said it and we say it back to each other ... i still feel that feeling but stronger... i guess..

im worried that whatever we have now wont last or he will meet someone else and just blow me off... and i will be crushed, devastated, ... and


If i know that i love him... why am i haveing emotions and worries of hurt?


* i kind of think that Im feeling this way because im so into him and stuff that i want to be with him right now and ... to just be with him... and i feeling restless that he's not here.. maybe thats it....

Ive been thinking about this and other stuff a lot- idk...... all i want is just to be with him... to sit and talk or just be near each other... thats enough for me ..........
  • Current Mood
    confused what is this feeling ?????????