Yea. Things happened between me and Tony. To make the story the shortest, I messed up this time: he started making plans, caring, and getting involved in us, and I ran. At the time, my best friend made a plea with me: "If you break up with him now, you can't go back. You don't need to keep going back to Tony." And she's right. But everytime I turn around, he's there. When I wasn't single, I could push all the thoughts out of my head because I had something to displace it with. And now, I have no reason to fight anything back except for the simple fact that it still hurts to think about him - and I'm not that strong.
As much as I don't want to admit it, she's right though. I don't deserve Tony after all of this. Honestly, I guess I should realize that it's not going to work after the last time but I'm oblivious to that truth. Even his best friend (from 15oo+ miles away) can still tell how unbelievably stuck I am. Which sucks, because at one point in this July, I'm going to be less than 3o miles from him again after all this dang time and there's not a freaking thing I can do about it. It's bothering me right now to think that I'm not even going to be able to talk to him.
If you'd like to, please pray that he goes to Otakon with us. No matter what, I really need to get things patched up on the friends level. That's totally understandable, right?
To end this bout of madness, does anyone have any good "help-me-to-wallow-in-my-own-pity" songs? 'Cause I wanna hear 'em right now.