how i imagine it...

{this is my first post here... its the story of the way i hope the day i never want to happen happens... and it will happen...}

you walk out the door of the house you once called home and lead me to your car. Your parents lock the door, leaving the keys in the postbox and turn to find their children in the car waiting... all but one. you. they walk past us, silently, your mum smiling a goodbye. i see your whole family waiting for you in the landrover and all i can think is 'how can you do this? how can you take her away?'

i look at the ground, scared to look into the eyes ive got so used to drowning in. Silent tears run down my cheeks and my throat is tight. you shift a little and i hear a small sob escape your throat. i finally find the courage to look up and regret it almost immediately. Your eyeliner is smudged, your eyes blurry, but the thing that almost has me collapsing on the spot is the fact you lied all this time. i realised now when you said you didnt care it was just a front to protect your own breaking heart.

i give in, hugging you tightly, letting my tears fall onto your shoulder. we stand for a lifetime, wishing the moment could last forever, but you pull away all to soon. "please... just stay... you can stay at mine... or we'll find you somewhere... you're 18 now, you don't need to go," i say but i know it's useless. We've had conversations like this before. and you always give the same answer, "i have to go."

you tuck my hair behind my ears and sigh. you look into my eyes, like you're ready to say something, but then you look to the ground and stay quiet. "Bye bitch face..." you whisper and then you're gone.

i watch as the car pulls away, your face staring out the window, and wonder how i can stand there and watch you leave. it isnt fair. As you turn a corner and are finally gone from my sight the rain starts, light at first and then heavier until the heavens are pouring down. i collapse onto the ground shaking. i look up into the sky and cry until i have nothing left.

as you drove away you pulled my heart from my chest and anything else that mattered. i died that day.


The reflection of sorrow confused her. The music would be blazing through the house, her friends would be dancing all about her, and still her reflection would be fearful and haunted.

“I have never been happier in my life,” she told her mother, scrubbing away at the stains of alcohol on carpet. “Everything is fine.”

Her hair was black as the feathers of crows, and her eyes an icy blue. Running a jeweled comb through her locks, she contemplated sadness. What did it mean when the mirror called out to her this way, showing her frightened tears and twisted frowns? She couldn’t understand it.

She felt like a smile; glowing and happy, filled with inner warmth and songs of joy. Her clothing was sparkling; her laughter a bell. The people around her loved her; there were hands and lips and whispers. She was the center; she was the world. She was radiant.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, running fingers down her thighs. “Smile for me, angel.”

The mirror insisted on breaking illusions. She was happy, happy, happy, but it only showed her sorrow. She finally snapped, and returned the favor. The jeweled comb snapped in turn.

A mother swept up shattered glass, wondering where her happy child had gone.

Trying not to.

I want to study your style, form, and function
Remove your decorations as we dive into naturalized
pleasure - the measure of art is its purpose
Why are we here?
Did the Sculptor Upstairs get a commission from the Earth?
Or was it the other way around - we were found in a
jungle right?
Monkeys taking flight on a large scale.

You're hieratic -
He painted you as your beauty requires
Here you're higher than me a mere mortal.

I want drink to your name -
Your fame - your face that comes down
To kiss mine.
As I lie on this altar,
Trying not to cry at the sight of you
You're deified in my mind
I'm the sacrifice
that pleases you, appeases you
So you don't strike us down
sandlot: oh shit
  • __rini

(no subject)

Haven't posted in a while, haven't written in a while, and I'm not sure how this turned out. Please, tell me what you think?


Maybe you know what you did.

Maybe you know why you regret it.

And maybe you have finally come to understand what it meant.

But do you know why you did it?

Collapse )

I couldn't

I heard about you from a friend
and I couldn't believe it
I drove to your mother's house
but I couldn't bear to knock on the door
I went to your funeral
and I couldn't stop crying
I thought of our past adventures
and I couldn't help but smile
Then I thought of your laugh, and the laughs we shared, and all that we ever laughed at
And I realized that I couldn't stop laughing