February 28th, 2009

giving tree

Do I blame the economy, or me?

(x-posted from my personal journal)

I had a whole day to myself today, which was lovely. I let my phone go uncharged on purpose, so no interruptions. As I walked back from the library, I hit that patch of Westbridge (or W. Bridge, depending on which street sign you're consulting) where the city put in all these itty bitty maples where the big beautiful maples got sick and had to be taken down. And it was funny, I noticed that each maple had one little clump of leaves left on it from last year.

When I got closer, I realized, they weren't leaves, they were nests! Six tiny maple trees in a row had six little nests. Some were muddy-sticky-together nests, and some were twiggy-pointy-outy nests. It was so neat! And I hadn't noticed them before.

What the hell happened to me? When did I stop noticing birds' nests?

I've had my current job since the new year started, and I like my work, mostly. I've got a nice boss and a cool bunch of kids to take care of. But this 7:50-6:05 deal (when you include commute time) is really messing with me. I need daylight in my life. I need time to wander around and learn something interesting and talk with strangers. I want to go back to hanging out with the random stuff that grows out of the ground, dancing, cooking, writing poems. I know I can't afford to lose a good job right now. I could very easily be someplace with nasty coworkers, a longer commute, and a much smaller paycheck. Or unemployed altogether. But I hate that I let someone steal my day away like this. There was a time when I swore I'd never work more than 30 hours a week, but I've had to take what work I could find. I just wish I knew what to do.